My rights? Or humility.
We just returned from a trip to Seattle and Portland, where we attended a Pastor/Spouse Retreat and took some vacation, visiting friends.
I have flown with Danielle on three different round trips in the eight months she has been alive. We have spanned 5 different airports (8 times) and survived many security lines. I have learned that flying with a baby can be easy and enjoyable, or it can be frustrating and stressful- and it all lies in the hands of the airport personnel. My last trip was one that would cause any mother to pull her hair out, but when I returned home I felt like I had conquered all and I would never have trouble again because I…ahem…had it ALL figured out!
Well the security line people in Seattle apparently decided that I didn’t have it together this time. But I think the truth is that they don’t have it together. See, I bottle feed my daughter. I have solely bottle fed since she was three months old. Every time I have flown, they have allowed me to bring my own water for formula through security. Some airports test the water, and some don’t, but all have considered the water to be included in the “baby formula allowed” policy. Until today. Morgan and I waited in a VERY long line in security (which we weren’t prepared for to begin with b/c usually airport personnel are very considerate and put us in an express line since we have a baby and stroller and everything). Parents- you know how it goes flying with small children…it’s not easy! So after waiting in this long line, trying to be understanding of the people behind us, we were hurriedly collecting our millions of belongings and putting them in the bins that bring a little bit of organization to the chaos. As I put my bag on the belt, I pulled out the bottle with water and showed it to the people so they could ok it. WHOA! I had just committed the unforgivable. (Insert note here: watch out for the big nasty man at the SeaTac airport security). It was NOT going to be allowed under any circumstances. I was breaking procedure. [FYI incase you don't fly- water in containers more than 3 oz. are not allowed past security]
I tried to explain to the man that 5 other airports had allowed it on many occasions based on the fact it was special water for formula. (This time didn’t matter as much to me, since I don’t boil Dani’s water anymore…but I still give her the cleanest water I can find). I explained that some airports test the water and perhaps they would just do that.
**this is the kicker**
They told us that if we made it into formula, we could bring it through. (How’s the magic formula powder going to change the water if it’s ‘dangerous’ to begin with?)
We told them if we made it now it would be no good when we needed it since it only lasts 1 hour not refrigerated. After the man kept telling me that he refused to “argue with me because he had read the policy book”, it was clear that they didn’t care. It was either make it up now and waste it, or go to the back of the line and dump it out. Of course we sacrificed the water over the expensive formula.
So here’s why this really really really bugs me. I mean, my eye was twitching over this!
Fortunately, when Dani was younger and it really mattered, no one gave me trouble. But what if she was still 3 months old and her water needed to be boiled to be safe? You cannot buy purified water in the airports, which means that if she was younger, I would have been prevented from safely feeding my child. If I cannot breastfeed, I have no option but to feed her water that might have a bacteria in it her little system can’t handle.
In a sense, I felt discriminated against as a mother who does not breastfeed.
The big ugly mean man told me that all the other airports that let me through were breaking policy. If this were the case, how would they have had a system to test the water and be ready for it when someone like me came along? All the other airports acted like they knew what they were doing. I’ve even flown through Seattle on 2 other occasions and never had trouble! So my beef is that it wasn’t me who didn’t have it all together…it is Seattle security. And I think I will be filing a complaint. They were rude and didn’t even try to understand the situation at all. I know they could have easily made time for it, because others have before them. If I were a mother formula feeding a newborn I would have had no way to safely feed my child. This seems very wrong to me.
As a Christian light in the world, I go back and forth regarding complaining/ not complaining. And I have wondered if I should just tolerate this. But I am feeling very strongly after thinking more about this that I need to file a complaint. Do you think I’m wrong in this? Should I just suck it up? In a way, I feel my freedom to determine what is healthy and safe for my child was taken away from me. What do you think?
**I wrote this two days ago. Today I am feeling more that I should just commit it to God and move on…then I think…what if me saying something could make a difference. I don’t know. Jesus did not exercise his “rights” on earth. He humbly took whatever crap people threw at him.
I do not know why this is such a struggle for me. It usually is not hard to suck things up, give them to God, and move on.
My carnal nature keeps going back to looking at myself. My rights as a parent were violated. Shouldn’t I stand up for myself? Not necessarily.
I still want to know what you guys think.
13 comments:
I think one of the main reasons this has you so upset is not because it violates YOUR rights, but it had the possibility of putting your child in danger. I seem to always struggle with wanting to hold onto my rights, Knowing I shouldn't but wanting to anyway. As much I know I struggle with this on my own, I think the struggle would intensify hundreds of times over if the rights that were violated were my child's. I dont have an answer about what you should do, just an "I understand the frustration" pat answer I guess. They did not put the safety of your daughter first, and they were rude in the process. They were wrong, and maybe should get out of the "customer service" industry, but should grace be extended from the hands of a Christ lover? can that Christ lover express in love dissatisfaction? I dont know.
I don't think a little "corrective criticism" would hurt the airport. After all, I'm sure when you fill out the form you will do it in a professional manner instead of chewing them out and using "unmentionable" words like SO many other people would do. I'm sure there are many other mothers that have gone through the same thing and let it slide. If no one speaks up and brings this to their attention, the airport will never know there is a problem. (But that's just my opinion.) Let me know what you do!
Love, Jen
yeah, Jess. I know the struggle is a result of defending my child. It does make a difference.
Jennifer so glad you're on blogdom now!
I think this issue is starting to get out of hand...ALL issues regarding feeding a baby who's not STRICTLY on SOLIDS, really. If it's not he bottle issue like you had, it's getting kicked off the airplane for breastfeeding your baby, because it makes "the other passengers" (usually meaning the flight attendants, who tend to like to use the passengers as their scapegoats) "uncomfortable". THEN QUIT STARING. What child doesn't have the right to eat a healthy meal? We get to eat on the planes, why doesn't my baby? I'm not going to go sit in the bathroom to nurse. Do YOU go to the bathroom to eat your meals??? I'm not going to "hide" my baby so they can EAT for crying out loud! And as for the formula water...do THEY eat THEIR food on contaminated surfaces? Do they eat their food when they don't know who's handled it or what's been put in it? Do THEY use the bathroom sinks as a drinking fountain?! This whole issue is getting ridiculously out of hand. People need to get a life. Seriously. And they better hope I never have to go through an airport with my baby...breastfed OR bottle fed...or they'll wish they'd never met me. You need to file a complaint. Believe it or not, there are NO laws that protect your right as a mother, or your baby's right to breastfeed in public or have safe water for your baby's formula. This needs to be changed, and it's not going to happen if we all just sit here and hope someone else makes the complaint. In other words, I think you should. It's not right. It goes beyond that, even...they're losing respect for human life and dignity.
I'm tired and cranky, and had a bad day. Maybe that's coming across in this response, but I assure you, my anger towards the treatment of babies' rights to food never waivers.
Hello Angela,
I would like to say that I think you should file a complaint, but be tackful in how you do it. I believe that as Christians we have a right to voice our opinions, but it's crucial that we do so in love. I remember my sister telling me about writing to a company one time to file a complaint, but she did it in such a manner that the company ended up accomodating her in the end. Word of mouth is a powerful thing, so if they know that you were not happy with their service perhaps they'll look into it. Actually, if they care about their service they will look into it (some women would be phoning the news station to make a story out of it and for an airline that's bad publicity...)Filing a complain could also save some other mothers from dealing with the hassel. The key is when writing, start with some positive (about how you've travelled through Seattle before...or something else you can think of about the airport/airline), then go into the negative. Try not to attack them, but make sure you use phrases like, "I feel/felt" and express your concerns about the seriousness of the issue. Then try to end off in a somewhat positive manner ("Thank you for your time"...or something like that.) Ask God to give you wisdom when you write, and ask Him to prepare the hearts of those who will read it.
This is my humble opinion, and I trust that as you pray and seek God's guidance you will know for sure whether or not you should write to them. You end decision should give you peace.
Blessings and a hug,
Sarah :)
Hey Angela-
I agree with most people here that fileing a complaint in an appropriate way is not going to damage your wittness. This is a policy that could potentially harm your child, or others. Nothing is going to change unless enough mothers speak up and ask for clarification. Make it clear that although you experienced some rudeness and felt discriminated against, the real problem is the policy. Stress the potential dangers to all babies, and offer some suggestions for improving the system (testing the water at security, selling distilled water in the airport, ect).
It's hard to type on one side from the hospital bed soo.....Yes.
Well girls, thanks for your thoughts. I think I needed a few days to cool down and process it, so that as I was writing, I was writing with the right spirit.
I filed a "complaint" today on the TSA website. It was more of an explanation of what happened and a request for them to change the policy to include 'nursery water' in the list of items allowed on board for a baby. I am praying that the right person will read it, as I dread the thought of flying with a newborn and the same thing happening.
Not all mothers are probably concerned about water as I am and have been, but I have studied it. And my philosophy of parenting is (like many other things in life), I'm responsible for the information I know. If something ever did happen to my child because I failed to acknowledge sanitary precautions for a newborn, I don't know if I could forgive myself. Our water is so dirty now-a-days even compared with when our parents were babies. You would be surprised by what is even in "purified" city water. It's gross.
So now, I give her filtered water, but up until 2 months ago, I boiled every single ounce that went into her mouth.
Let's hope that even if I am overreacting (which I don't think I am), they hear me out and respect my request.
Angela,
I'm glad you filed the complaint and I'm sure you did it very tactfully and respectfully. Fortunately, I haven't had to travel with Lola, but it's good to know that they might not let me bring her water. As a mother who was unable to breastfeed, that would have reiterated my "failure." Thanks for stepping up and doing what others might not have done.
~Lori
Hi Ang,
I would also like to say that I heartily support you in your decision! Being Christ-like is living a life of grace, but never by compromising the truth. Grace and truth go together and that's why we need the Holy Spirit. Too much "truth" leads to dogmatism and religious legalism; too much "grace" leads to no boundaries and a compromise of the true contribution we are supposed to be making in the world as Christians. I think you spoke the truth in grace and that, I believe, is very Christ-like.
Love you!!!
Natasha
I miss you, Ang!!!
Natasha
I find security annoying since its so inconsistent. That was a difficult spot you were in.
Did you end up writing? I am a writer when it comes to customer service type stuff.
Did you know that they were making the mothers drink their own breast milk when that water bomb (whatever that was) came through by terriorst?
Ew. I'd prolly throw up if I had to do that....*gagging at the thought of drinking my own breastmilk*. But I guess you do what you have to do, huh?
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