Because I Love You

Wow. It's been a while since I posted. Life has been super duper crazy, and I'm really really tired. But to be honest, I haven't been all that inspired to blog lately. I've had pictures of my trip to Ontario I've been wanting to post, but I saved them on the computer in a wrong way, so have to re-save them and haven't done it yet. Maybe I still will sometime.

This weekend the Lord has re-birthed my passion and sent a catalyst to ignite my desire. The Lord gave me an opportunity to attend a worship conference- it just fell in my lap- nothing I sought after. I feel so refreshed...so alive. So ready to seek Him and dig deeper and deeper to know Him more. I'm so ready to push the gates of Heaven open and let a storehouse of God's Spirit overflow my life. I'm so ready for whatever He has for me. Most importantly, I am learning to be content with where He has me now, and yet not using it as an excuse for apathy or settling. He's calling me to be all I can be at where I'm at now- and to do all things- no matter how simple they may seem to me- with excellence for His glory.
I know that sounds cliche; it's something we say in ministry all the time. But for some reason, I feel it in a new way.

That's not what the title refers to though and it's not where my heart started with this post.

Last week, God and I had this conversation:
"Angela, why do you dress nice for church? Why do you try to sing your best? Why do you...(fill in the blank on different occasions."
Me: "Well, Lord, it's for you."
Him: "Is it? Think again."
So I did. I thought again. And I stood ashamed.
"No, Lord. It's because I care about what people think."
But then He saw my shame. And so He spoke His love over me. And I felt forgiveness...no shame.

See, the thing is, I was embarrassed, because I felt like I should have this fundamental lesson down. I'm supposed to be leading others and I'm still so immature that I care about what people think over what God thinks.

So I asked God to change my heart. And He is- in a way I've never experienced before. I used to get dressed up for church and remind myself that it was for God. I used to try to minister with excellence because I knew God deserved it.
But God is changing my heart.
Now, I'm giddy over Him. When i sing, I don't try to sound good for the person sitting beside me, but I try to sing my best because I want to sing the best song I can for Him. I want to give Him the best gift I have. I don't get dressed up because I care what others are going to think of my outfit. I dress depending on whatever I feel toward God that day. If I am so honored by His Lordship, I want to dress to reflect entering His throne room. If it is a cuddle up in His lap day, I might dress more casually. When I put my makeup on this morning, I got so excited- like it was a first date.
This isn't me. I've never felt this before. This is Abba. My Daddy. The One who dances over me and wants me to dance over Him.
I understand a little bit of His love for me now that I dance over my own child. And it makes me want to dance back. It makes me want to give it back.
It makes me want to please Him. Only Him.
My prayer is that God seals my heart. I don't want to boomerang back to where I was. I don't want to lose this love. I want it to get stronger, grow deeper.
When I look in the mirror in the morning, I ask, "Do you like what You see, my love?" "Daddy, am I pretty for you?" "Lord, am I ready to enter your throne room?" "Savior, thank you for turning my rags into riches." I love you.