For Auld Lang Syne 2006

***This is a VERY long post...just making up for the lack of lately.***

One of my favorite songs of the season is "Auld Lang Syne", an old Scottish tune sung at New Years. It means, "times gone by".
The thing about New Years is that it does symbolize time gone by. Usually, we also look forward to the coming year; but at some point we also reminice about the days that have gone by. Today on Dec. 31, 2006, I find myself very excited about the new year and what it's going to bring (aka BABY!). However, most of all, it seems as though I am looking from Heaven's view at a slide show entitled "Angela's life-2006".
All week long actually, I've remembered this year, and as I look back, I've seen God's hand work in some little ways, some ways that perhaps I didn't realize were there at the time, some big ways, and some huge ways. I've seen Him part waters that I never thought could be parted. I've seen His extended hand of love welcomed where I never thought it would be accepted. I've seen His hands melt hearts of stone and heal some deep cuts and wounds. I've seen Him work in me.
I've known Him as Abba, my Father. I've known Him as Shalom, my peace. I've seen Him as Jehovah Jirah, my provider. I've known Him as Adonai, my Lord. He has been my El-Shaddai, an Almighty God who can conquer any war that rages within me. And He is my Jehovah-M'Kaddesh, sanctifier and purifier of my heart. Jehovah-Rophe, He has healed! Most of all, He has shown Himself to be Jehovah-Shammah. He has been there- always been there. He has been the Alpha and the Omega. He was there from the beginning of the year to the end. He is waving His banner of victory over me as Jehovah Nissi and proclaiming me as His child!
This Lord I know, my Abba, He has moved me this year. I cannot speak of it without shedding soulful tears, joyful tears. The most marvelous and mysterious part of it all is that I didn't realize it was happening. He led me up by little steps. He revealed His glory little by little, only as much as He knew I could take in at the time. There were so many times during the year I asked the Lord, "Are you working in my life? Where are you? Am I moving? Am I growing? Am I seeking You enough?" Yet, He was always there, patiently carrying me and teaching me and fathering me and loving me. And now I look back, and I see how much I have grown! How far I have come! How much more I love Him! Because He was everything to me and so much more!
The year began with a young woman who wondered where life would take her in the next year, who wondered if it would be a year of mourning or a year of rejoicing. A woman whose one resolution was to draw near to the heart of God, but who wondered if it would be through times of trial or times of joy. The year began with a woman who was anticipating the future.
The year has ended with a young woman who has seen both. It has been a year of trail. It has been a year of joy. Yet, through it all, I have drawn near to the heart of God. Through it all I can rejoice in the time past.
It is interesting how the year is divided. Sometimes we divide it by quarters, sometimes semesters, sometimes months, sometimes bi-annually. June marks the middle. June was for me this year the culmination of all that God had prepared me for in the previous six months and would lead me through in the next six months. In a matter of 2 weeks, I lost my dear Grandmother, a woman whose love and life I cherished. In March of the same year, she had asked me (not for the first time, but it would be the last) again when we were going to "start a family". A week after her death and funeral, I discovered the miracle of life that God had placed inside of me! How timely was God's providence. Mid the pain of losing someone I loved very dearly, I was given a new song of joy! And I knew that Grandma, in heaven, was rejoicing with me. God had given me a constant reminder of His love. One that has grown inside of me for almost 9 months now.
Every time I feel my precious one kick or move, I remember God's love. I feel so blessed. Every day His provision, love, patience, forgiveness, and acceptance overwhelms me. I am reminded of how He has always kept His promises.
Most of all, I am reminded of what is to come. And I anticipate like a little child at Christmas time what is to come. What adventure does He hold for me this year? When I feel the love I have for my child and the joy that she has already brought, it helps me get a glimpse into the heart of God- how much He must love us. What GOOD plans He has for us!
So today I have remembered Auld Lang Syne and what God has done in the past.
But tomorrow I will look forward to the future- and anticipate what corner will be turned next. I hope it means more baby steps. I've learned that the baby steps are most exciting, because you just don't know where you're going. But I will trust Him to move me. I will trust Him to take me higher...higher...higher.
Remember swinging as a child?
"Wheeeee!!!!"
That's how I feel.
How wonderful to have an Abba to rejoice with me when I am saying "wheee!!!" and to love me and piece me back together when I fall.
But ALWAYS, His banner over me is Love! Wheeee!!!