My rights? Or humility.

We just returned from a trip to Seattle and Portland, where we attended a Pastor/Spouse Retreat and took some vacation, visiting friends.

I have flown with Danielle on three different round trips in the eight months she has been alive. We have spanned 5 different airports (8 times) and survived many security lines. I have learned that flying with a baby can be easy and enjoyable, or it can be frustrating and stressful- and it all lies in the hands of the airport personnel. My last trip was one that would cause any mother to pull her hair out, but when I returned home I felt like I had conquered all and I would never have trouble again because I…ahem…had it ALL figured out!

Well the security line people in Seattle apparently decided that I didn’t have it together this time. But I think the truth is that they don’t have it together. See, I bottle feed my daughter. I have solely bottle fed since she was three months old. Every time I have flown, they have allowed me to bring my own water for formula through security. Some airports test the water, and some don’t, but all have considered the water to be included in the “baby formula allowed” policy. Until today. Morgan and I waited in a VERY long line in security (which we weren’t prepared for to begin with b/c usually airport personnel are very considerate and put us in an express line since we have a baby and stroller and everything). Parents- you know how it goes flying with small children…it’s not easy! So after waiting in this long line, trying to be understanding of the people behind us, we were hurriedly collecting our millions of belongings and putting them in the bins that bring a little bit of organization to the chaos. As I put my bag on the belt, I pulled out the bottle with water and showed it to the people so they could ok it. WHOA! I had just committed the unforgivable. (Insert note here: watch out for the big nasty man at the SeaTac airport security). It was NOT going to be allowed under any circumstances. I was breaking procedure. [FYI incase you don't fly- water in containers more than 3 oz. are not allowed past security]
I tried to explain to the man that 5 other airports had allowed it on many occasions based on the fact it was special water for formula. (This time didn’t matter as much to me, since I don’t boil Dani’s water anymore…but I still give her the cleanest water I can find). I explained that some airports test the water and perhaps they would just do that.
**this is the kicker**
They told us that if we made it into formula, we could bring it through. (How’s the magic formula powder going to change the water if it’s ‘dangerous’ to begin with?)
We told them if we made it now it would be no good when we needed it since it only lasts 1 hour not refrigerated. After the man kept telling me that he refused to “argue with me because he had read the policy book”, it was clear that they didn’t care. It was either make it up now and waste it, or go to the back of the line and dump it out. Of course we sacrificed the water over the expensive formula.
So here’s why this really really really bugs me. I mean, my eye was twitching over this!
Fortunately, when Dani was younger and it really mattered, no one gave me trouble. But what if she was still 3 months old and her water needed to be boiled to be safe? You cannot buy purified water in the airports, which means that if she was younger, I would have been prevented from safely feeding my child. If I cannot breastfeed, I have no option but to feed her water that might have a bacteria in it her little system can’t handle.
In a sense, I felt discriminated against as a mother who does not breastfeed.

The big ugly mean man told me that all the other airports that let me through were breaking policy. If this were the case, how would they have had a system to test the water and be ready for it when someone like me came along? All the other airports acted like they knew what they were doing. I’ve even flown through Seattle on 2 other occasions and never had trouble! So my beef is that it wasn’t me who didn’t have it all together…it is Seattle security. And I think I will be filing a complaint. They were rude and didn’t even try to understand the situation at all. I know they could have easily made time for it, because others have before them. If I were a mother formula feeding a newborn I would have had no way to safely feed my child. This seems very wrong to me.

As a Christian light in the world, I go back and forth regarding complaining/ not complaining. And I have wondered if I should just tolerate this. But I am feeling very strongly after thinking more about this that I need to file a complaint. Do you think I’m wrong in this? Should I just suck it up? In a way, I feel my freedom to determine what is healthy and safe for my child was taken away from me. What do you think?

**I wrote this two days ago. Today I am feeling more that I should just commit it to God and move on…then I think…what if me saying something could make a difference. I don’t know. Jesus did not exercise his “rights” on earth. He humbly took whatever crap people threw at him.
I do not know why this is such a struggle for me. It usually is not hard to suck things up, give them to God, and move on.
My carnal nature keeps going back to looking at myself. My rights as a parent were violated. Shouldn’t I stand up for myself? Not necessarily.
I still want to know what you guys think.

Pliers saved the day...kind of.

Today has been a day I do not wish to repeat. Such things have included a flat tire, a baby that just won't nap, a messy house (that I am still trying to figure out how it got that way), and my husband is away for the day. (although it just so happened that when I found out about the tire, he was nearby to help, which was totally GOD I know).

But probably the thing that bummed me out the most was that my escapades today found myself with my girlfriend, wielding pliers in such a manner as to try to pull a tiny little treasure out of my ear. Sound wierd? not really.
See, some women cut their hair after having a baby. Some go on a shopping spree. Some do a major makeover diet. Not me. I got my ear pierced again. It made me feel cute and young. I loved it.
It was a cute little gem in my upper ear. And I really really really loved it!
But then yesterday I woke up to pain and throbbing. Not so cute any more...my ear was infected.
I gave it a day, but by the next morning I knew I had to do something, as cartilage infections are not something to mess with.
So thankful for my friend Rob who saved my day and wrote me an antibiotic prescription, hopefully my ear won't fall off now.
But then he called back from his office and gave me the bad news, "Angela- you really do need to take it out."
Sadness. So together, Gretchen (his wife) and I tried to remove the cute little piece of trouble. But it wouldn't budge!!!! As we prodded and tugged and twisted and turned, I felt my ear growing by the minute- now doubly red and swollen from the irritation. It was too tiny, too slippery for even our little fingers.
So that's when the pliers came out. After several failed attempts at pinching my skin and twisting, we found the needle nosed pliers worked best and freed my ear.
So tonight, I am finding myself with an infected hole in my ear, a crying baby, a messy house, a car in the shop, and a homeless ear gem- while completely wasting time on the internet while eating Belgian Chocolate Cups- simply because it makes me feel better.
I think I'm going to cut my hair now.

My heart is glad tonight.

I love my little munchkin. Every day, she makes me smile. She makes my heart glad.
I wake in the mornings to the sweet sound of babbling...an occasional cry for "Mawa"...and I enter her room to see a sweet smile awaiting. It's ok if a not-s0-sweet *smell* is also awaiting. I love the belly blowies that comes with a diaper change. The kisses and coos that are exchanged.
Then I get to feed her. Although she holds her bottle by herself throughout most of her daytime feedings now, in the mornings we get to snuggle. Sometimes she falls asleep again in my arms. My heart warms.
Soon it's time for breakfast. She sits in her little chair, mouth open, legs kicking, arms flailing, just waiting for the nummy breakfast surprise Mawa has for her! I fill her little belly and stuff the open mouth until she's satisfied. I am providing for my baby girl. And my heart warms.
Our day has just begun. The day is filled with heart warming. Little fingers learning to pick up bits of food. Bright eyes that discover a new toy. A smile that widens when Mawa walks in the room. A smile that widens even more when Daddy gets home. Right now her favorite is a little ball that shakes. Simple...her favorite. Her little hands can hold it. She loves it.
Right now she is so happy. She just sighed a big sigh. She's playing so hard- laughing, giggling, babbling, shaking her toys, cooing. It's 8:00- past bedtime. She had a late nap today. We're just enjoying our little princess.
Who would know she has just cut 2 teeth? She's precious.
My heart is glad.

Sometimes I want to be sassy.

I really don't understand why people don't think through the things they say sometimes.
Especially mothers to mothers! Come ON!!!

Lately, I have had people asking me all the time if Danielle is crawling yet. She is not. Which is perfectly ok for her age. In fact, right now there are no hopes of her crawling. I'm sure it will come, but as of today, she HATES being on her tummy. Maybe she'll be a scooter...and maybe she'll just go to walking. She already can stand up by holding onto something. She's got strong legs and wants to walk. She can walk a little bit if we hold her hands.
But goodness gracious- she's only 7 mo. old!

So anyways, when people ask me, usually it is the strangers that make me want to be sassy.
Typically, they engage me in conversation about her crawling, and I tell them what she's like.
I usually hear about how it's important developmentally for babies to learn to crawl (which I already know), and they stress to me how important it is that she MUST learn to crawl.
Well yesterday, I told a lady that her Daddy (Morgan) didn't crawl, but went straight to walking.

And she had the nerve to ask, "And does he have any learning disabilities?"

What the heck???

This is where I wanted to be sassy and say something like, "No he doesn't, not that it's any of your business, thank you. He's just fine, and I'm sure my daughter will be just fine as well. Stop trying to freak out a new mother and instead you could be a little more encouraging."

But instead, I politely said no and tried to get away from her as fast as possible.

I also have people ask me all the time if Danielle is "always this good/sweet". When I say yes (because I really do have the easiest baby in the world I'm sure- God probably knew that was all I could handle!!! ha), they always say, "Well-enjoy it, cause the second one is always the nightmare!"
Ok- I'm tired of hearing that too. As a good friend of mine described it once- stop pouring curses over me and instead bless- encourage!
Why not say to someone instead, "That's so great. I bet you just can't wait to have another one."
lol
Because I can't. I look forward to having another one (someday- not soon- so don't get any ideas)- and I will love him or her to pieces even if he/she's a handful!

This is ALOT of venting.
Let's just try people- myself included- let's try to speak blessings. To speak encouragement. To think about how what we're saying might affect the person we're saying it to.
Gracious!

Hey Beaver lovers!

I forgot to add this! Guess who I ran into in Anchorage Alaska at a worship conference this weekend!!!!??????
Michelle Beaver- good ol' Carolina girl!!!
What a small world.
She lives here now.
So now we can play together.
Yay!
Michelle Beaver rocks.

Because I Love You

Wow. It's been a while since I posted. Life has been super duper crazy, and I'm really really tired. But to be honest, I haven't been all that inspired to blog lately. I've had pictures of my trip to Ontario I've been wanting to post, but I saved them on the computer in a wrong way, so have to re-save them and haven't done it yet. Maybe I still will sometime.

This weekend the Lord has re-birthed my passion and sent a catalyst to ignite my desire. The Lord gave me an opportunity to attend a worship conference- it just fell in my lap- nothing I sought after. I feel so refreshed...so alive. So ready to seek Him and dig deeper and deeper to know Him more. I'm so ready to push the gates of Heaven open and let a storehouse of God's Spirit overflow my life. I'm so ready for whatever He has for me. Most importantly, I am learning to be content with where He has me now, and yet not using it as an excuse for apathy or settling. He's calling me to be all I can be at where I'm at now- and to do all things- no matter how simple they may seem to me- with excellence for His glory.
I know that sounds cliche; it's something we say in ministry all the time. But for some reason, I feel it in a new way.

That's not what the title refers to though and it's not where my heart started with this post.

Last week, God and I had this conversation:
"Angela, why do you dress nice for church? Why do you try to sing your best? Why do you...(fill in the blank on different occasions."
Me: "Well, Lord, it's for you."
Him: "Is it? Think again."
So I did. I thought again. And I stood ashamed.
"No, Lord. It's because I care about what people think."
But then He saw my shame. And so He spoke His love over me. And I felt forgiveness...no shame.

See, the thing is, I was embarrassed, because I felt like I should have this fundamental lesson down. I'm supposed to be leading others and I'm still so immature that I care about what people think over what God thinks.

So I asked God to change my heart. And He is- in a way I've never experienced before. I used to get dressed up for church and remind myself that it was for God. I used to try to minister with excellence because I knew God deserved it.
But God is changing my heart.
Now, I'm giddy over Him. When i sing, I don't try to sound good for the person sitting beside me, but I try to sing my best because I want to sing the best song I can for Him. I want to give Him the best gift I have. I don't get dressed up because I care what others are going to think of my outfit. I dress depending on whatever I feel toward God that day. If I am so honored by His Lordship, I want to dress to reflect entering His throne room. If it is a cuddle up in His lap day, I might dress more casually. When I put my makeup on this morning, I got so excited- like it was a first date.
This isn't me. I've never felt this before. This is Abba. My Daddy. The One who dances over me and wants me to dance over Him.
I understand a little bit of His love for me now that I dance over my own child. And it makes me want to dance back. It makes me want to give it back.
It makes me want to please Him. Only Him.
My prayer is that God seals my heart. I don't want to boomerang back to where I was. I don't want to lose this love. I want it to get stronger, grow deeper.
When I look in the mirror in the morning, I ask, "Do you like what You see, my love?" "Daddy, am I pretty for you?" "Lord, am I ready to enter your throne room?" "Savior, thank you for turning my rags into riches." I love you.

Still here

Apparently, It's BBC Blogging day, so I will squeeze in on Alaska standard time and just say...
I'm still here! It seems life is so full I just don't have opportunities to blog now-a-days.
It's been a great month...
youth camp, Benjamin visits, Danielle's crazy growth spurts, visits with family in ontario, fall classes starting, trying to find time to do school work while taking care of a baby...
Life is full. Life is good. God is good. It's all good.
I'll try to post some pictures of this month soon.
Later!

Adventureland

This summer has gone by so fast! I can't believe all that we have done and all that I have wanted to do that I did not get done.
But...we're going to take it out with a bang! I won't be around here very much for the next little while, because this is what we are up to for the rest of August:

-Tonight, Mark, Erin, Silas & John Ezra Benjamin are coming for 10 days to visit! We are looking forward to having fun together catching up and introducing babies to babies! We'll go blueberry picking on the mountain, go to the Alaska zoo, sightsee all around, look for whales, moose, and sheep! And Mark will be speaking at our youth camp next week...
- Youth camp! Next week. We'll be there all week. Morgan works toward this all year round. It is a yearly highlight- a youth camp just for our youth group! Lots of drama, bonding, and God-time. Lots of fun...except for this year I get a cushy cabin and don't have to sleep on a bunkbed...simply because I am not a counselor but a mother, and so Danielle and I will get to just hang around camp with Erin and the boys for a week. It will prove to be much fun, I'm sure!
- Then Danielle and I leave on a jet plane to the mother land. We are going to stay with Brandon and Karen for 10 days in Kingston...and Danielle will get to meet her Great-grandpa, Uncle, Aunt, and cousin Gabe! Plus lots of other uncles and aunts! (or is it the other way around- they will get to meet her!!!) We're looking forward to it...the visit that is...not the plane ride.
- We're going to enjoy the sunshine that we're FINALLY getting and pray it doesn't rain for youth camp. I'm ordering sun for Kingston in 2 weeks.

So we'll talk to you again when we return!
Toodles!

Never enough

I fail to keep the house clean enough. Mess goes away; mess comes back.
I fail to make good enough meals. Often I draw a blank as to what to make; we end up having a pasta box with add ins. If it's not completely homemade, I've failed.
I fail to balance life with joy and peace.
I fail to know how to relax without thinking about what needs to get done.
I fail to be the kind of wife and mother I want to be.
I fail to meet the standard of perfection I set for myself. I compare myself way too much to others when all I see are snippets of their life and home.

Yesterday, in my kitchen, I found myself once again feeling so low, so depressed, so disappointed with myself. Why? I asked myself. Why can't I do better? Why do I constantly struggle with the fact that work is never done. It is a fact of life. But since the work is never done, I constantly feel like a failure. I feel good when a task is complete. Certain things are never complete. I constantly knock myself because I am not creative enough with meals or my house is once again a mess or the bathrooms haven't gotten cleaned yet this week.

So I started looking around and realized the reality of the situation. I constantly feel like I don't provide well enough for my family meal-wise...but then I look at the counter and there are sitting:
(1) zucchini muffins (homemade);
(2) pumpkin bread (2 loaves homemade);
(3)fruit; and
(4)the baby food processor (symbolizing the food I make for Danielle).

And this is just the counter.
As I am making a decent supper for my family, I also look in the fridge. There are leftovers from last night...but the base I used for the skillet dinner was a box, so it can't count. It's not homemade. There is salmon leftover from the night before...but that can't count because Morgan grilled it. This is how I think! I'll do something, but then I'll justify why it doesn't meet up with my standard of perfection. It might not be healthy enough, so it doesn't count. Or it's not presented well enough, so it doesn't count.

WHY AM I LIKE THIS???? I am making myself miserable.
Morgan does not place these expectations on me. He likes simple dinners...tacos...spaghetti...etc. The mess bothers me more than it does him.
I saw a show on tv last night where this mom had 4 kids and kept her house spotless. I only have 1 and feel like I can hardly handle it sometimes. What's wrong with me?

Lord, I know a big part of this is that perhaps I don't rest enough in the knowledge that you accept me for who I am no matter what I do or don't get done during the day. I always feel like I have to do more to prove myself...prove myself to me, to my husband, to my parents, to my friends, and to you. Help me to rest in your acceptance of me today- no strings attached. You still think I'm a good mommy and wife if my house is messy and if we have rice-a-roni with add ins for supper. You want me to offer love, joy, and peace in my home.

Please help me to not sacrifice my desire and need to be a quiet spirit of love and joy in my home for a busy, critical spirit when I don't attain to my own unrealistic standards. Please remind me to rest...please take away my complaining spirit and replace it with one that rejoices in life. Help me to rejoice over what I have accomplished during the day and not gripe over what I haven't got done. Help me to bask in the sunlight of your blessings. Thank you for giving me the desire of my heart in my baby girl. Thank you for the constant joy she brings to my heart. Forgive me for not accepting your acceptance of me. Forgive me, please, for making earthly things a priority instead of my heart and Your heart. Forgive me for my Martha spirit, and please replace it with a Mary heart. I give you my day. Use it as you will...make me an instrument of your peace in my family's life. Amen.

Mama wa wa.

I so wish I had the video camera at home this morning. Unfortunately, it was left at the church. Most days, I feel like Danielle is growing so fast, and I don't have time or a chance to capture it all! This morning, after eating her breakfast, she rested content to sit and play in her high chair. I've been sitting here listening to her babble for 15 minutes now. She babbles constantly and it is so cute. This morning her choice words are "ba-wa", "a-gawa", and MAMA!!! My little girl is now saying "mama!" I am super excited about this.
See the thing is, I thought she said it a week or so ago. She was laying on my bed and I stepped into the bathroom. She was calling for me and I could have sworn she said "mama". I passed it off, as I have done since then, as just being something I was 'hearing', since everyone has said she would say 'dada' first. Plus, I thought, it has to be way too early!
Well this morning she did it again. As I stepped into the bathroom, I heard, "Gawa wa ba MAMA"! Morgan said, "She DID say mama!" And she has said it once more after that this morning. So I looked on the internet and sure enough, apparently other people's kids started saying mama and dada around this age too! Who knew??!
It has truly made my day!

In other news, I decided to keep the hair simple and just got a nice cut again...still long...layered...kept the bangs long (Kristi). I like it alot. I think I'm going to go get my ear pierced again...for some reason I've just want to do something like that lately. So upper ear- owie!- here I come.

Well I will keep this short as Danielle's ba-wa's have now turned into shreaky, whiney, "buauauauauaua", "dwa", "awa", and yes, "aMAMA". Don't worry, baby! Mama's a comin' to the rescue!

**I'm back to add another exciting element in the MacPherson home. Danielle has started going to sleep by herself at bedtime- 7:30 pm! Which means more time for mommy and daddy, better sleep for baby and she has learned the art of putting herself to sleep so we don't need to hold her so much any more! She has not been able to do this before. She would cry and cry and cry...which I just didn't like making her do. So now- 5 1/2 mo. old- she fusses a bit then falls asleep! Yay for Danielle! Yay for Mommy! This is a HUGE milestone for us. For some reason, I have had much anxiety over the issue- probably the majority unneeded. Now we're working on nap times and sleeping through the night. I am encouraged...this too will come in time.

We are never alone

Well...life just seems to fly by as usual. The MacPhersons are rollin' around like crazy this summer- it seems we're so busy. I thought life was supposed to slow down when you had a baby. Even though we've cut stuff out, it still feels like the only difference is now we're trying to juggle it all WITH a baby. Dani's such a good baby, though, she makes it easy.



I wanted to share this story that a friend forwarded to me. It is such a good reminder for us...then if you wanna know what's been up with the MacP clan...you can read on.


We are never alone,Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage? His dad would take him into the forest blindfolded, and leave him alone. He was required to sit on a stump the whole night...and not take off the blindfold until a ray of sun shone through it. He would be all by himself.He could not cry out for help to anyone. Once he survived the night he would be a MAN. He could not tell the other boys of this experience. Each lad must come into his own manhood.The boy was terrified...could hear all kinds of noises. Beasts were all around him. Maybe even some human would hurt him. The wind blew the grassand earth, and it shook his stump. But he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could be a man. Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he saw his father sitting on the stump next tohim at watch the entire night. He was never really alone and neither are we. Even when we do not know it, our Father is protecting us. He is sitting on the 'stump' beside us. All we have to do is reach out to Him.
I love it when a profound truth is explained so simply.

• Last week was our annual Bear Paw Festival in Eagle River. Morgan had a booth for The Refuge there, where teens could hang out on the couches, play foosball, etc. It was very successfull, but required long days. Morgan was there all day until 10pm Fri to Sun. I tried to bring him food all day so we didn't spend our life savings (which is tiny anyway) on the food vendors. Managing that while trying to care for a baby in and out of the pouring rain was a challenge...but it was exciting.


• Sunday my mom played the banjo in church. She hadn't done that for a while. Brought back memories of the old days. ahh.


• Dani's getting so strong. She's almost sitting up by herself now. She's been sleeping through the night more regularly now. YAYYYYYYYYY!


• This week I took a temp job for a local Realty office in town owned by some people in our church. Working front desk...learning alot about buying and selling houses...and also learning that I am not a business woman. I feel too much for people...guess I'll make a good nurse. Call me the sugar momma this week though- bringin' in the moolah!


• Next week I've gotta get serious about getting stuff done around the house. Kitchen floor needs a serious scrubbing...screens need cleaned...lots of organizing needs to happen. We've got friends coming in August and it's creeping up on me!


• We FINALLY got a warm spell after having rain rain and more rain.


• I can't decide what to do with my hair. I decided to cut it short one day..then Morgan says, "I think you should keep your hair long." Me: "Why's that?" Morgan: "Cause moms with long hair are hot." Guess that's decided. But still the question is...bangs again or no bangs? Keep the au-naturale boring brown or color it an exciting brown again? Then today I get a compliment that my hair color is pretty...and when I suggest to this person that i'm thinking of coloring it a richer brown, she says I shouldn't. So people's consensus is that I shouldn't do anything but I NEED to! I'm not happy with it as is. So, what's a girl to do? (vote on the right to help me!)


• I'm gradually fitting back into my old clothes, but not as quickly as hoped. I still have a tummy pooch. It's ugly. I feel fat alot.


• We're going to buy a new car soon. I think we've decided on a CRV. I'm so excited because I won't be stranded at home all the time any more. (we live in the country) Someone's lending us their car for a month right now though, so I'm getting a taste of freedom already. Ah- it's nice.


• I can't think of much more right now. Maybe I"ll post some more summer pictures soon.

At This Moment:

Danielle is...enjoying a day at home with Daddy. (If Mommy hadn't gone home for lunch she might not have been dressed today. ;-)

Morgan is...trying to get work done at home while watching Dani.

I am about to...ring in a nice paycheck for a week's worth of work.
Today's reason to rejoice...We've had lovely weather this week.

Looking forward to...being back at home with my daughter.
Wishing that...we had sandy beaches in Alaska.

Our new Household Friend...

Her name is Bumbo; she is pink and squishy. She is just the right size and just the right shape. She loves to hold babies, and Danielle loves her! Bumbo Bumbo, we have a Bumbo!

Danielle's grandparents bought it for her last week, and she LOVES it! She's been trying to sit up, but can't quite yet, so she'll just sit, quite content in her Bumbo for long periods of time, as she watches Mommy and Daddy quite closely from her Bumbo throne. She also found her toes yesterday. Too cute!



Speaking of the cool new throne, Danielle has also been seen sporting her new Baby Banz...no longer will she blind herself from the harmful lights she so eagerly is drawn towards. Watch out Hollywood! She's hot stuff.


In other news, we just got back from a trip to Seattle where we celebrated all in 4 days- Danielle turning 4 mo. old; Morgan's 28th B-day; a first Father's Day; and his ordination! It was a grand time. My parents were there of course, and his parents flew all the way from Ontario for it...that was special. It was great to see special friends (ok, heather, now you have to comment!) and to meet new ones. We always enjoy our trips to Seattle.
So, now, I've joined the club ya'll. Call me Mrs. Rev. Morgan MacPherson.

At This Moment:

Danielle is...sound asleep in her crib, taking a break from her life of constant drooling/teething.

Morgan is...healing nicely from his nasty, scary, fall off the ladder last week.
I am about to...chop my hair off.

Today's reason to rejoice...God will meet all of our needs.

Looking forward to...camping and fishing next week.

Wishing that...I had more hours in the day.

25...Quarter of a century...half way to fifty...

So today was the first birthday I'd ever had where I wasn't excited about getting older...for the following reasons:

-It doesn't feel like I've lived that long. But I only have that much more to go until I"m 50, then that much more again before I could easily die! How sad that life is so short. (not that I'm not tOTALLY stoked for heaven).

-My twenties are leaving me. I'm on the downhill stretch now. The older I get, the less cool I get. The more serious I get.

-Men get distinguished with age...women's bodies become harder and harder to maintain. Mine (also adding in I just had a baby) is getting harder and harder to maintain.



For these three reasons, I haven't been excited about celebrating my birthday today.
Then my husband threw me a surprise party, and I"ve had lots of phone calls, e-cards, and facebook wishes from people. So thanks for making my day a whole lot more special. Here's some latest pictures.

So, Danielle is teething now. She's sticking anything and everything in her mouth to chew on. Her favorite is her fingers though. She's hard to get a picture of now, without sticking those fingers in her mouth!

Getting ready to go shopping for a dress for daddy's ordination!

Two of Danielle's big-girl friends, Malia and Claire, at Mommy's birthday party.

Hmm...if only i could figure out how to get my paci.



***sorry the captions don't line up with the pictures...couldn't figure that one out.

At This Moment:
Danielle is...sound asleep in her crib.
Morgan is...playing guitar hero.

I am about to...go to bed.
Today's reason to rejoice...Danielle has consolidated her nightime feedings into one at 4am!
Looking forward to...going to Seattle next week.
Wishing that...I could have seen my brother today.

Oh no

My daughter is starting to show her preference for certain entertainment. She prefers some toys over others. She likes certain games over others, certain noises over other ones. One preference, however, i'm not too excited about.

Danielle LOVES tv! I know this is probably normal. Babies like the lights/sounds/motion etc. Sometimes we sit down and cuddle to a good program. But then occasionally I get these flash images of Danielle turning into a couch potato, insisting on watching tv instead of playing outside. It is in those moments when I want to unplug the tv and throw it out the window immediately...but then I realize I might get in trouble when the husband gets home. And then the next day when I want my daily dose of Ellen while I'm making dinner, I might regret it.

Nevertheless, this picture tells the story. I was holding her into me the other day, making googly faces with her, when she all of a sudden realized what was behind her. She insistently arched her back and would not move! She was very pleased to watch the tv upside down. It was too cute, as she laid in this position for a long time.

(Shout out to Renae for the Berry Sweet shirt)



In other news, Danielle has decided that her thumb is not enough. She must indulge in the WHOLE FIST! Yes, every finger has a different flavor, didn't you know? Sometimes she gets it so far back in there she gags on it. So funny.


This is "Hi, I'm cute. But I'm really hungry...so can you stop taking pictures of me now and feed me PLEASE!!!"

At This Moment:

Danielle is...settling in for a good night's sleep on Daddy's lap.

Morgan is...holding Danielle- of all things- watching tv.

I am about to...wash bottles.

Today's reason to rejoice...we took a 2.5 hour nap after church!

Looking forward to...Morgan being home 2 days in a row.

Wishing that...Danielle were sleeping through the night by now.

In a Name

Happy Belated Mother's Day. We had a special day appreciating the gift of motherhood yesterday. Morgan and Danielle made me a sweet video clip and my mom wrote me one of those letters that reached right down deep inside and touched the 'spring up oh well' button. :-) I love my Mom. She's a gem. She's such an inspiration of strength, wisdom, patience, and Godly love. I can't imagine life without my mom. She's probably my best friend. This was the first year without my Grandma. We miss her. I think she had the best mother's day ever this year though, as she spent it with the Lord and is experiencing first hand the Father's love toward her- and her giving it in return back to Him.

Last Saturday, I heard a sermon in which the preacher illustrated a Bible character's name and how it described his personality and character. Although the essence of his message wasn't on the meaning of names, it has really given me something to ponder the last couple days. I've been thinking alot about names.
I know that we don't place meaning on our names like they did in Bible times, but I wonder if there is still more significance to our name than we think. And if there is not now, I think there can be. I think the name we give to our child can have great significance. We now choose a name based mostly on how we like the sound of it, the association of it, and the popularity of it. When we chose Danielle's name, we considered all of these things, but we also considered the meaning of her name.
Lately, I have been considering the meaning of her name on an even deeper level and actually am feeling strongly impressed to model my prayers for her by her name- that she would become a woman of God who would live up to her name.
Her name embodies so much meaning. I pray consistently that she would grow to love God, to be sensitive to His voice, and to capture a passion for His Kingdom. And now, I am also praying even more specifically that she would live up to her name.

• Danielle- I pray that she would dare to be a Daniel- a woman of prayer. I pray that she would be bold as Daniel was bold. Danielle means "God is my judge". I pray that she would keep her eyes fixed on the author and perfector of her faith, that she would not care about what others think, but only what her Father in heaven thinks. I pray that she would remember the responsibility she has to one day stand before God and give and account for her life and that she would present spotless robes to Him- cleansed by the blood of His Son. I pray that she would have the courage to face whatever may come at her in her witness for Christ- whether that be a den of lions or a furnace of flames.


• Esther- means 'star'. I pray that Danielle Esther would shine as a star and reflect the Lord's light in a dark world. I pray that God would use her to guide others to the Truth, as He used the star of Bethlehem to guide the wise men to Truth in Bethlehem. I pray that she would reflect the star-like beauty of the Lord and that when people gaze upon her and notice the inner beauty that shines, that they would worship the Lord who created her and gave her that beauty. Esther was set apart for 'such a time as this'. She was such a strong and courageous woman.


• I pray that my Danielle Esther will be a strong leader among her people, as both her namesakes were. I pray that she would be bold, strong, and courageous as they both were. That she would be obedient and God would grant her wisdom and discernment to know how to share His Truth with others. I pray that God would keep her from the enemy, who wants to destroy her and thwart God's purpose for her life. I pray that He would protect her from the Hamans and the Nebuchadnezzers who might stand in the way of her ministry. I pray that my little girl will be sensitive to God's voice and timing as they both were and that she would love Him with her whole self.

These are my daily prayers. All in a name. I believe that God gave Danielle her name. And I believe that my little girl has a calling to fufill. I only pray that I will be successful in doing my part to help her succeed.

Life

The past couple days have looked like this:
We go out in public.
Little baby girl loves to look around.
Little baby girl can't get enough.
Little baby girl has huge round eyes.
Little baby girl's head bobbles back and forth and she takes in the sights.
Little baby girl decides very quickly she's had enough.
Little baby girl gets a poochy lip.
Little baby girl cries (very loudly) for an hour.
Mommy realizes, once again, her little baby girl is overwhelmed by life.

Overwhelmed by life...don't we all feel that way at times? The poor little thing is so attentive to her surroundings, new things are overwhelming. And I empathize with her...sometimes I want to cry for an hour too when life becomes too much.

Needless to say, we will be doing outings very sparingly for a while now. For now, Danielle and Mommy will be homebodies. Mommy has to be more selfless in this way for a season. As long as I remember it's a season, I can get through the cabin fever. She's worth it.

In our neck of the woods...

Latest Happenings:

- Morgan's family was here to visit for a week. We had a great time; it was his sisters' first visit to Alaska. Although- Danielle got more attention than the mountains did of course.


-Danielle was dedicated last Sunday. There is now no doubt she is an angel baby. (wink)


-Danielle is finally starting to love baths, and it's fun!

-Spring is here. The peacocks have returned to the duck pond.



-Danielle loves her new swing that her Nana bought for her...but Mommy maybe loves it more!

-Danielle got her first big set of shots today. I think it was more traumatic for Mommy than baby. She's forgotten; I haven't.

-My baby's cute.

-Vegetable lasagna from Costco makes all other lasagna recipes fail in comparison.

-I went to hear my little brother present a machine he got a University grant to build; it smokes cigarettes to test the impact the smoke has on lung tissue. He's a smarty pants, or as my dad calls it, an 'egghead'. :-)

-Enjoying a new Lemon garlic hummus as my latest most popular snack.

-Wishing I craved milk again like I did when I was pregnant. Now I'm back to choking it down.

-Danielle slept 6 hours in a row last night!!! Mommy was very excited, but not too hopeful that it will repeat itself tonight. I know better.

-Spiders are back. Goo.

-Planning our summer vacations now. Yay!

-Going to bed now. Bye.

A Little Early for Mother's Day, but it was timely for my week. I hope it is for yours too...

Dear Mothers,
I want to pass something on to you that a wise woman reminded me of at church on Sunday. It has proven to be a great source of meditation and encouragement to me this week.
She encouraged me about my quiet role of ministry as a mother, and compared it to the quiet, humble ministry that Dorcas/Tabitha had (in Acts). Dorcas was confident in who she was in Christ and often went unnoticed I'm sure, but it was ok with her because she knew in her heart that she was being obedient to what the Lord had called her to do. Thought it may have been small in many people's eyes, it had a great impact in the Lord's Kingdom! So too are mothers like this. Motherhood often goes unrecognized. It is a huge task. It is hard. But it is quiet. Day-to-day mothering chores are quiet. This ministry is not announced in the weekly service or celebrated at the annual meetings. But we are his quiet hands extending His love to our little ones. We have a GREAT role in His kingdom!
So be encouraged today, mothers. Although our role is quiet, it is huge! God sends His affirmation to you today.

p.s. Danielle had her 2 month well-child visit today. She weighs a whole 11 lb. 10 oz. now and is 23 1/4 in. long! Her head is growing too- 39 1/2 cm! This week I tried getting a onesie on her that fit fine before and had to practically jam it over her head to get it on. Poor thing. Needless to say, that was the last day that onesie will meet her skin. She's growing out of her newborn clothes. sniff sniff.

Germ-a-phobe

Last night after church we went to McDonalds with some friends to take advantage of $1.00 Dip-N-Dots Sundays...our friends have a toddler, so we spent our time in the play place. While there, I observed the children playing, realizing that some day soon my own would be letting out shrills of fun and laughter as well...
...and also picking up all the other snotty-nosed kids little germies.
Needless to say, I was reminded of how much of a germ a phobe I am.
Then this morning I read this article...I probably shouldn't have, now fun vacations in hotels will be clouded by my own idiosyncrosies (Sp?)...namely...germaphobia, liceaphobia, critteraphobia...you name it, I've probably got it.
GO here to read it:
http://travel.msn.com/Guides/article.aspx?cp-documentid=385246>1=9337&wa=wsignin1.0

My Little Girl's First Easter