The music of my soul...

It's been a while...

2008-04-28T09:21:00.009-08:00

Well, since I have 3 wks of a break from school, I thought I'd use some time to update you on our lives! Beware, though. This might be long! I'm actually in the mood to blog & have alot to talk about.

1) Let's start with my favorite little girl. Danielle turned 1 year old on Feb. 16. Where the time went to, I'll never know, but we are now totally loving having a little toddler. We are enjoying this stage and love to watch all the new things she learns and explores, the new found confidence she has on her feet, and hearing the new words she learns every day. She's also good at using her little signs to tell us what she wants and needs, if she doesn't know the words already. She's been working at consolidating her naps to one, and is doing it like a little champ! She's just a joy. Truly- I can't describe how much I love being a mom to this little monkey. She makes my heart swell and my lips smile every day- no exaggeration!

She had the Roseola virus a month or so ago. It was fun to be able to Dx it. I then sent picts to a Derma-doctor friend...and he confirmed. "Want a job?" he asked. Ha ha Um...no thanks...you couldn't pay me to become a doctor- especially a dermatologist.

She is also quite the fan of Baby Einstein and Curious George, as well as Elmo of course. Every day at some point, she toddles up to us with the remote and asks, "sd-v-sds"? One a day's the limit...but oh how she would love more than that!

2) I will (hopefully) never have to take a Nursing Informatics class again...at least not Dr. Toebe's. Glad that one's done...that's all I will say about that.

3) Looking forward to Pharmacology next semester. A little scared about the new "nazi" teacher...but we'll see. Also looking forward to my new clinicals, but a little nervous.

4) I am LOVING my break! Our whole family needed it bad. Danielle's been such a little mommy's girl lately...it's nice to be home with her. It's also been nice checking things off my long time coming to-do list, and doing some spring cleaning...

Things I've been filling my new free time with:

-Spring cleaning! Little by little...every day.

-Making fun and delicioso meals...don't usually have time for that.

-Taking Danielle places to play almost every day.

-Organizing and framing photos.

-Decorating my Middle School S.S. class room. The kids wanted a beach theme- so a beach they got!

-Still teaching piano...have some great students doing really well on their songs!

-Leading worship at church...haven't been doing that for awhile either.

-Reading...oh yes...this is one of my favs...reading something OTHER than textbooks! The latest is "The Memory Keeper's Daughter".

-Doing Sudoku puzzles while I watch TV with my husband in the evening...don't usually have time for that either! :-)

Looking forward to:

-the new snow (see below) melting so we can play outside some more.

-taking Danielle to the zoo with Gretchen and her kiddos

-finishing Danielle's baby book and album

-grocery shopping tomorrow!

-shopping for bamboo blinds for the classroom

-coffee with a good friend on Thursday sans daughters

-more play time with Danielle

-more cleaning and organizing

-more baking and freezing

-preparing for company in June!

5) I watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition last night. It had to have been one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. The Martinez family is a Christian pastor's family who sacrificed much to move into the worst neighborhood in the USA and have completely turned it around, just by showing God's love. If you did not see it, really, you must find a way to see it. I'm not sure where you could go online, but I'm sure you could find it somewhere. After watching it, I had to spend time in prayer, reexamining my love for people and my purpose in the areas I live and interact...as well as reclaiming my will for the Lord and where He might want to use me in the future. The Martinez family seem to truly understand what it means to love as Jesus loved. I'm not sure I am there yet...that was a hard pill for me to swallow. My prayer is that the Lord will radically throw me in, head deep, so that I will be transformed into the radical lover of people that Jesus was. I thought I loved people...but would I be willing to sacrifice everything, move my family to the most dangerous neighborhood possible, be beat up by gangs, and work constantly and tirelessly to love people who might be hard to love? I hope that I could; I might say that I could. But could I really? I think that I would...if Christ asked me too. But I want to be the one stepping forward...volunteering. But maybe Christ wants me in this safe place. In a traditional church. In a traditional hospital. Ministering to "normal" people. Can I be satisfied in that? I must be. Because that is where He has me now...and I must not just look forward to what might be to come and what could be, but look at today. For today is where I am. And today is what I can change.

Really you must see it to see where I'm coming from. I'm sure it will cause you to ask yourself some questions too.
Go here to see a preview of it: http://www.tv.com/extreme-makeover-home-edition/martinez-family/episode/1196644/summary.html.

Some who are critical by nature might find fault in the show, but I think this family has got it right on, and we have much we can learn from them!

6) We were hit with a snow storm last weekend. A "late-season doozy", as the paper described it. A record fall for this time of year. It was even the 3rd biggest snowfall in a single day in Anchorage history since 1915...15.5 inches was the average in the area in one day..and by far the largest snow fall in April. Some places got up to 22 inches. We got about 15 at our house. People were pulling out their shorts for the annual Heart Run, but instead that was postponed and we pulled out our packed away hats, mits, and boots intsead. It was very depressing, to say the least. Beautiful, but depressing. Spring invigorates me. Motivates me. Winters here are long. Spring is wonderful. So then when we seemed to "regress", it was quite discouraging. But alas, it is supposed to be in the 50's today, and I'm sure it will be gone soon enough. I remember last year at this time, we were sitting on the deck, enjoying a hot and beautiful spring day. This picture was taken on Friday evening...off of our back deck.

7) Gas is ridiculous. The end.

8) Morgan's still the amazing husband he's always been. There's no way I could go to school and be a mom without him! He tirelessly tries to be an influence in teen's lives...some times it can be hard. How do you help a teen move beyond what he or she gets when he or she goes home? It's a hard one.

9) Found 2 ucky-yucky hairy black spiders in the house so far this spring. I hate spiders.

10) Must have 10 things on my list....relief- I made it to ten.

Happy Spring, everyone (if you still even have any faith left in my blog)!

My last blog for who knows how long...or until I feel like doing it again.

2008-01-20T21:18:00.000-09:00

This was me 1 year ago.

This was me today.

This has been the most incredible year of my life. I love being a mom. I love my family. Danielle turns 1 year old on February 16th. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. She's growing so fast! I am constantly on the go trying to keep up with her!

Well, folks, the Short and sweet of it is...since I'm in the "home stretch" of the nursing program for the next 18 months, I do not have time or mental energy to blog. It's the most intense thing I've ever done (besides labor) ;-). I'm just trying to stay afloat balancing it all...while still keeping some semblance of familial structure in our home. You can keep up with us on my facebook page though! I post pictures there every once in a while, and you can write on my wall to say hi!

The Latest...

2007-11-09T21:19:00.000-09:00

Seriously avoiding the never ending drudgery of school work that FOREVER looms before me,
I thought I would post.
I really don't have anything thought provoking or inspiring to share...atleast I'm just feeling lazy. My mind is tired of thinking...so I'm going to just list...yes...I love lists....

This list will be called,

"What I've done lately besides school work..."

1. I set up our Christmas decorations early this year! Morgan came home one day to find that his little baby had miraculously set up the tree by herself, because surely Mommy wouldn't do something like that without Daddy! It was the highlight of his day. he didn't have to help set up the decorations this year!!! And I amazed myself that I didn't even miss him doing it with me. I enjoyed the element of surprising him. It was fun.
2. I baked a mean beef stew tonight...but the best part was the new Rosemary Biscuit recipe I engineered...I thought it was quite fab.
3. Drink lots and lots of coffee. I'm quite into the Peppermint Mocha creamer flavor this year. You should try it...it's wonderful
4. Enjoyed drives in our new CRV with Danielle. Sometimes...I just gotta get out, and it's SUCH a blessing to be able to do that now that we have TWO vehicles!
5. Totally enjoying our new table that my inlaws bought for us...after having a little breakfast nook table for 5 years, this is SO liberating!
6. Smelling lots of the Brown Sugar & Fig oil fragrance from B&BW that I got in Seattle last month. mmmm.....
7. Praying for patience with frustrating piano students and enjoying the ones who practice.
8. Loving being a mommy...Danielle's first halloween dress up.
9. Having stimulating conversation with my brother.
10. Enjoying times with my small group class and girls s.a. Marissa and Jordan- two lovelies.
And all of this is woven into or done in conjunction with SCHOOL WORK! I'm a slave to the books peoples.

I think I can I think I can I think I can...1 1/2 more years...I can do this!

Here's another list. This one is called, "Top 5 Things I'm looking forward to while I'm seriously procrastinating school work."

5. My husband coming home tonight.
4. Starting my nursing clinicals.
3. A new budget year at church.
2. Going to Atlanta and S. Carolina next week!
1. Getting this school work done so I can actually enjoy vacation with my hubby next week!

And the number one thing that tempts me to be the most anxious...

**Having to be away from Danielle next semester...and the next and the next and the next and the next.**

The end. Back to the books.

CRISIS!

2007-11-04T22:08:00.000-09:00

Oh my word peoples!!!
...today I was playing with my photo booth and this is what I saw...

EYE WRINKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm getting old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT EYE WRINKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's someone much cuter and without any eye wrinkles...

going to ingest as many antioxidants as I can find in my kitchen now...

My rights? Or humility.

2007-10-15T11:45:00.000-08:00

We just returned from a trip to Seattle and Portland, where we attended a Pastor/Spouse Retreat and took some vacation, visiting friends.

I have flown with Danielle on three different round trips in the eight months she has been alive. We have spanned 5 different airports (8 times) and survived many security lines. I have learned that flying with a baby can be easy and enjoyable, or it can be frustrating and stressful- and it all lies in the hands of the airport personnel. My last trip was one that would cause any mother to pull her hair out, but when I returned home I felt like I had conquered all and I would never have trouble again because I…ahem…had it ALL figured out!

Well the security line people in Seattle apparently decided that I didn’t have it together this time. But I think the truth is that they don’t have it together. See, I bottle feed my daughter. I have solely bottle fed since she was three months old. Every time I have flown, they have allowed me to bring my own water for formula through security. Some airports test the water, and some don’t, but all have considered the water to be included in the “baby formula allowed” policy. Until today. Morgan and I waited in a VERY long line in security (which we weren’t prepared for to begin with b/c usually airport personnel are very considerate and put us in an express line since we have a baby and stroller and everything). Parents- you know how it goes flying with small children…it’s not easy! So after waiting in this long line, trying to be understanding of the people behind us, we were hurriedly collecting our millions of belongings and putting them in the bins that bring a little bit of organization to the chaos. As I put my bag on the belt, I pulled out the bottle with water and showed it to the people so they could ok it. WHOA! I had just committed the unforgivable. (Insert note here: watch out for the big nasty man at the SeaTac airport security). It was NOT going to be allowed under any circumstances. I was breaking procedure. [FYI incase you don't fly- water in containers more than 3 oz. are not allowed past security]
I tried to explain to the man that 5 other airports had allowed it on many occasions based on the fact it was special water for formula. (This time didn’t matter as much to me, since I don’t boil Dani’s water anymore…but I still give her the cleanest water I can find). I explained that some airports test the water and perhaps they would just do that.
**this is the kicker**
They told us that if we made it into formula, we could bring it through. (How’s the magic formula powder going to change the water if it’s ‘dangerous’ to begin with?)
We told them if we made it now it would be no good when we needed it since it only lasts 1 hour not refrigerated. After the man kept telling me that he refused to “argue with me because he had read the policy book”, it was clear that they didn’t care. It was either make it up now and waste it, or go to the back of the line and dump it out. Of course we sacrificed the water over the expensive formula.
So here’s why this really really really bugs me. I mean, my eye was twitching over this!
Fortunately, when Dani was younger and it really mattered, no one gave me trouble. But what if she was still 3 months old and her water needed to be boiled to be safe? You cannot buy purified water in the airports, which means that if she was younger, I would have been prevented from safely feeding my child. If I cannot breastfeed, I have no option but to feed her water that might have a bacteria in it her little system can’t handle.
In a sense, I felt discriminated against as a mother who does not breastfeed.

The big ugly mean man told me that all the other airports that let me through were breaking policy. If this were the case, how would they have had a system to test the water and be ready for it when someone like me came along? All the other airports acted like they knew what they were doing. I’ve even flown through Seattle on 2 other occasions and never had trouble! So my beef is that it wasn’t me who didn’t have it all together…it is Seattle security. And I think I will be filing a complaint. They were rude and didn’t even try to understand the situation at all. I know they could have easily made time for it, because others have before them. If I were a mother formula feeding a newborn I would have had no way to safely feed my child. This seems very wrong to me.

As a Christian light in the world, I go back and forth regarding complaining/ not complaining. And I have wondered if I should just tolerate this. But I am feeling very strongly after thinking more about this that I need to file a complaint. Do you think I’m wrong in this? Should I just suck it up? In a way, I feel my freedom to determine what is healthy and safe for my child was taken away from me. What do you think?

**I wrote this two days ago. Today I am feeling more that I should just commit it to God and move on…then I think…what if me saying something could make a difference. I don’t know. Jesus did not exercise his “rights” on earth. He humbly took whatever crap people threw at him.
I do not know why this is such a struggle for me. It usually is not hard to suck things up, give them to God, and move on.
My carnal nature keeps going back to looking at myself. My rights as a parent were violated. Shouldn’t I stand up for myself? Not necessarily.
I still want to know what you guys think.

Pliers saved the day...kind of.

2007-10-05T17:19:00.000-08:00

Today has been a day I do not wish to repeat. Such things have included a flat tire, a baby that just won't nap, a messy house (that I am still trying to figure out how it got that way), and my husband is away for the day. (although it just so happened that when I found out about the tire, he was nearby to help, which was totally GOD I know).

But probably the thing that bummed me out the most was that my escapades today found myself with my girlfriend, wielding pliers in such a manner as to try to pull a tiny little treasure out of my ear. Sound wierd? not really.
See, some women cut their hair after having a baby. Some go on a shopping spree. Some do a major makeover diet. Not me. I got my ear pierced again. It made me feel cute and young. I loved it.
It was a cute little gem in my upper ear. And I really really really loved it!
But then yesterday I woke up to pain and throbbing. Not so cute any more...my ear was infected.
I gave it a day, but by the next morning I knew I had to do something, as cartilage infections are not something to mess with.
So thankful for my friend Rob who saved my day and wrote me an antibiotic prescription, hopefully my ear won't fall off now.
But then he called back from his office and gave me the bad news, "Angela- you really do need to take it out."
Sadness. So together, Gretchen (his wife) and I tried to remove the cute little piece of trouble. But it wouldn't budge!!!! As we prodded and tugged and twisted and turned, I felt my ear growing by the minute- now doubly red and swollen from the irritation. It was too tiny, too slippery for even our little fingers.
So that's when the pliers came out. After several failed attempts at pinching my skin and twisting, we found the needle nosed pliers worked best and freed my ear.
So tonight, I am finding myself with an infected hole in my ear, a crying baby, a messy house, a car in the shop, and a homeless ear gem- while completely wasting time on the internet while eating Belgian Chocolate Cups- simply because it makes me feel better.
I think I'm going to cut my hair now.

My heart is glad tonight.

2007-09-27T19:48:00.001-08:00

I love my little munchkin. Every day, she makes me smile. She makes my heart glad.
I wake in the mornings to the sweet sound of babbling...an occasional cry for "Mawa"...and I enter her room to see a sweet smile awaiting. It's ok if a not-s0-sweet *smell* is also awaiting. I love the belly blowies that comes with a diaper change. The kisses and coos that are exchanged.
Then I get to feed her. Although she holds her bottle by herself throughout most of her daytime feedings now, in the mornings we get to snuggle. Sometimes she falls asleep again in my arms. My heart warms.
Soon it's time for breakfast. She sits in her little chair, mouth open, legs kicking, arms flailing, just waiting for the nummy breakfast surprise Mawa has for her! I fill her little belly and stuff the open mouth until she's satisfied. I am providing for my baby girl. And my heart warms.
Our day has just begun. The day is filled with heart warming. Little fingers learning to pick up bits of food. Bright eyes that discover a new toy. A smile that widens when Mawa walks in the room. A smile that widens even more when Daddy gets home. Right now her favorite is a little ball that shakes. Simple...her favorite. Her little hands can hold it. She loves it.
Right now she is so happy. She just sighed a big sigh. She's playing so hard- laughing, giggling, babbling, shaking her toys, cooing. It's 8:00- past bedtime. She had a late nap today. We're just enjoying our little princess.
Who would know she has just cut 2 teeth? She's precious.
My heart is glad.

Sometimes I want to be sassy.

2007-09-22T15:02:00.000-08:00

I really don't understand why people don't think through the things they say sometimes.
Especially mothers to mothers! Come ON!!!

Lately, I have had people asking me all the time if Danielle is crawling yet. She is not. Which is perfectly ok for her age. In fact, right now there are no hopes of her crawling. I'm sure it will come, but as of today, she HATES being on her tummy. Maybe she'll be a scooter...and maybe she'll just go to walking. She already can stand up by holding onto something. She's got strong legs and wants to walk. She can walk a little bit if we hold her hands.
But goodness gracious- she's only 7 mo. old!

So anyways, when people ask me, usually it is the strangers that make me want to be sassy.
Typically, they engage me in conversation about her crawling, and I tell them what she's like.
I usually hear about how it's important developmentally for babies to learn to crawl (which I already know), and they stress to me how important it is that she MUST learn to crawl.
Well yesterday, I told a lady that her Daddy (Morgan) didn't crawl, but went straight to walking.

And she had the nerve to ask, "And does he have any learning disabilities?"

What the heck???

This is where I wanted to be sassy and say something like, "No he doesn't, not that it's any of your business, thank you. He's just fine, and I'm sure my daughter will be just fine as well. Stop trying to freak out a new mother and instead you could be a little more encouraging."

But instead, I politely said no and tried to get away from her as fast as possible.

I also have people ask me all the time if Danielle is "always this good/sweet". When I say yes (because I really do have the easiest baby in the world I'm sure- God probably knew that was all I could handle!!! ha), they always say, "Well-enjoy it, cause the second one is always the nightmare!"
Ok- I'm tired of hearing that too. As a good friend of mine described it once- stop pouring curses over me and instead bless- encourage!
Why not say to someone instead, "That's so great. I bet you just can't wait to have another one."
lol
Because I can't. I look forward to having another one (someday- not soon- so don't get any ideas)- and I will love him or her to pieces even if he/she's a handful!

This is ALOT of venting.
Let's just try people- myself included- let's try to speak blessings. To speak encouragement. To think about how what we're saying might affect the person we're saying it to.
Gracious!

Hey Beaver lovers!

2007-09-22T13:17:00.001-08:00

I forgot to add this! Guess who I ran into in Anchorage Alaska at a worship conference this weekend!!!!??????
Michelle Beaver- good ol' Carolina girl!!!
What a small world.
She lives here now.
So now we can play together.
Yay!
Michelle Beaver rocks.

Because I Love You

2007-09-21T23:48:00.000-08:00

Wow. It's been a while since I posted. Life has been super duper crazy, and I'm really really tired. But to be honest, I haven't been all that inspired to blog lately. I've had pictures of my trip to Ontario I've been wanting to post, but I saved them on the computer in a wrong way, so have to re-save them and haven't done it yet. Maybe I still will sometime.

This weekend the Lord has re-birthed my passion and sent a catalyst to ignite my desire. The Lord gave me an opportunity to attend a worship conference- it just fell in my lap- nothing I sought after. I feel so refreshed...so alive. So ready to seek Him and dig deeper and deeper to know Him more. I'm so ready to push the gates of Heaven open and let a storehouse of God's Spirit overflow my life. I'm so ready for whatever He has for me. Most importantly, I am learning to be content with where He has me now, and yet not using it as an excuse for apathy or settling. He's calling me to be all I can be at where I'm at now- and to do all things- no matter how simple they may seem to me- with excellence for His glory.
I know that sounds cliche; it's something we say in ministry all the time. But for some reason, I feel it in a new way.

That's not what the title refers to though and it's not where my heart started with this post.

Last week, God and I had this conversation:
"Angela, why do you dress nice for church? Why do you try to sing your best? Why do you...(fill in the blank on different occasions."
Me: "Well, Lord, it's for you."
Him: "Is it? Think again."
So I did. I thought again. And I stood ashamed.
"No, Lord. It's because I care about what people think."
But then He saw my shame. And so He spoke His love over me. And I felt forgiveness...no shame.

See, the thing is, I was embarrassed, because I felt like I should have this fundamental lesson down. I'm supposed to be leading others and I'm still so immature that I care about what people think over what God thinks.

So I asked God to change my heart. And He is- in a way I've never experienced before. I used to get dressed up for church and remind myself that it was for God. I used to try to minister with excellence because I knew God deserved it.
But God is changing my heart.
Now, I'm giddy over Him. When i sing, I don't try to sound good for the person sitting beside me, but I try to sing my best because I want to sing the best song I can for Him. I want to give Him the best gift I have. I don't get dressed up because I care what others are going to think of my outfit. I dress depending on whatever I feel toward God that day. If I am so honored by His Lordship, I want to dress to reflect entering His throne room. If it is a cuddle up in His lap day, I might dress more casually. When I put my makeup on this morning, I got so excited- like it was a first date.
This isn't me. I've never felt this before. This is Abba. My Daddy. The One who dances over me and wants me to dance over Him.
I understand a little bit of His love for me now that I dance over my own child. And it makes me want to dance back. It makes me want to give it back.
It makes me want to please Him. Only Him.
My prayer is that God seals my heart. I don't want to boomerang back to where I was. I don't want to lose this love. I want it to get stronger, grow deeper.
When I look in the mirror in the morning, I ask, "Do you like what You see, my love?" "Daddy, am I pretty for you?" "Lord, am I ready to enter your throne room?" "Savior, thank you for turning my rags into riches." I love you.

Still here

2007-09-04T21:24:00.000-08:00

Apparently, It's BBC Blogging day, so I will squeeze in on Alaska standard time and just say...
I'm still here! It seems life is so full I just don't have opportunities to blog now-a-days.
It's been a great month...
youth camp, Benjamin visits, Danielle's crazy growth spurts, visits with family in ontario, fall classes starting, trying to find time to do school work while taking care of a baby...
Life is full. Life is good. God is good. It's all good.
I'll try to post some pictures of this month soon.
Later!

Adventureland

2007-08-09T14:28:00.001-08:00

This summer has gone by so fast! I can't believe all that we have done and all that I have wanted to do that I did not get done.
But...we're going to take it out with a bang! I won't be around here very much for the next little while, because this is what we are up to for the rest of August:

-Tonight, Mark, Erin, Silas & John Ezra Benjamin are coming for 10 days to visit! We are looking forward to having fun together catching up and introducing babies to babies! We'll go blueberry picking on the mountain, go to the Alaska zoo, sightsee all around, look for whales, moose, and sheep! And Mark will be speaking at our youth camp next week...
- Youth camp! Next week. We'll be there all week. Morgan works toward this all year round. It is a yearly highlight- a youth camp just for our youth group! Lots of drama, bonding, and God-time. Lots of fun...except for this year I get a cushy cabin and don't have to sleep on a bunkbed...simply because I am not a counselor but a mother, and so Danielle and I will get to just hang around camp with Erin and the boys for a week. It will prove to be much fun, I'm sure!
- Then Danielle and I leave on a jet plane to the mother land. We are going to stay with Brandon and Karen for 10 days in Kingston...and Danielle will get to meet her Great-grandpa, Uncle, Aunt, and cousin Gabe! Plus lots of other uncles and aunts! (or is it the other way around- they will get to meet her!!!) We're looking forward to it...the visit that is...not the plane ride.
- We're going to enjoy the sunshine that we're FINALLY getting and pray it doesn't rain for youth camp. I'm ordering sun for Kingston in 2 weeks.

So we'll talk to you again when we return!
Toodles!

Never enough

2007-08-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

I fail to keep the house clean enough. Mess goes away; mess comes back.
I fail to make good enough meals. Often I draw a blank as to what to make; we end up having a pasta box with add ins. If it's not completely homemade, I've failed.
I fail to balance life with joy and peace.
I fail to know how to relax without thinking about what needs to get done.
I fail to be the kind of wife and mother I want to be.
I fail to meet the standard of perfection I set for myself. I compare myself way too much to others when all I see are snippets of their life and home.

Yesterday, in my kitchen, I found myself once again feeling so low, so depressed, so disappointed with myself. Why? I asked myself. Why can't I do better? Why do I constantly struggle with the fact that work is never done. It is a fact of life. But since the work is never done, I constantly feel like a failure. I feel good when a task is complete. Certain things are never complete. I constantly knock myself because I am not creative enough with meals or my house is once again a mess or the bathrooms haven't gotten cleaned yet this week.

So I started looking around and realized the reality of the situation. I constantly feel like I don't provide well enough for my family meal-wise...but then I look at the counter and there are sitting:
(1) zucchini muffins (homemade);
(2) pumpkin bread (2 loaves homemade);
(3)fruit; and
(4)the baby food processor (symbolizing the food I make for Danielle).

And this is just the counter.
As I am making a decent supper for my family, I also look in the fridge. There are leftovers from last night...but the base I used for the skillet dinner was a box, so it can't count. It's not homemade. There is salmon leftover from the night before...but that can't count because Morgan grilled it. This is how I think! I'll do something, but then I'll justify why it doesn't meet up with my standard of perfection. It might not be healthy enough, so it doesn't count. Or it's not presented well enough, so it doesn't count.

WHY AM I LIKE THIS???? I am making myself miserable.
Morgan does not place these expectations on me. He likes simple dinners...tacos...spaghetti...etc. The mess bothers me more than it does him.
I saw a show on tv last night where this mom had 4 kids and kept her house spotless. I only have 1 and feel like I can hardly handle it sometimes. What's wrong with me?

Lord, I know a big part of this is that perhaps I don't rest enough in the knowledge that you accept me for who I am no matter what I do or don't get done during the day. I always feel like I have to do more to prove myself...prove myself to me, to my husband, to my parents, to my friends, and to you. Help me to rest in your acceptance of me today- no strings attached. You still think I'm a good mommy and wife if my house is messy and if we have rice-a-roni with add ins for supper. You want me to offer love, joy, and peace in my home.

Please help me to not sacrifice my desire and need to be a quiet spirit of love and joy in my home for a busy, critical spirit when I don't attain to my own unrealistic standards. Please remind me to rest...please take away my complaining spirit and replace it with one that rejoices in life. Help me to rejoice over what I have accomplished during the day and not gripe over what I haven't got done. Help me to bask in the sunlight of your blessings. Thank you for giving me the desire of my heart in my baby girl. Thank you for the constant joy she brings to my heart. Forgive me for not accepting your acceptance of me. Forgive me, please, for making earthly things a priority instead of my heart and Your heart. Forgive me for my Martha spirit, and please replace it with a Mary heart. I give you my day. Use it as you will...make me an instrument of your peace in my family's life. Amen.

Mama wa wa.

2007-08-06T09:23:00.001-08:00

I so wish I had the video camera at home this morning. Unfortunately, it was left at the church. Most days, I feel like Danielle is growing so fast, and I don't have time or a chance to capture it all! This morning, after eating her breakfast, she rested content to sit and play in her high chair. I've been sitting here listening to her babble for 15 minutes now. She babbles constantly and it is so cute. This morning her choice words are "ba-wa", "a-gawa", and MAMA!!! My little girl is now saying "mama!" I am super excited about this.
See the thing is, I thought she said it a week or so ago. She was laying on my bed and I stepped into the bathroom. She was calling for me and I could have sworn she said "mama". I passed it off, as I have done since then, as just being something I was 'hearing', since everyone has said she would say 'dada' first. Plus, I thought, it has to be way too early!
Well this morning she did it again. As I stepped into the bathroom, I heard, "Gawa wa ba MAMA"! Morgan said, "She DID say mama!" And she has said it once more after that this morning. So I looked on the internet and sure enough, apparently other people's kids started saying mama and dada around this age too! Who knew??!
It has truly made my day!

In other news, I decided to keep the hair simple and just got a nice cut again...still long...layered...kept the bangs long (Kristi). I like it alot. I think I'm going to go get my ear pierced again...for some reason I've just want to do something like that lately. So upper ear- owie!- here I come.

Well I will keep this short as Danielle's ba-wa's have now turned into shreaky, whiney, "buauauauauaua", "dwa", "awa", and yes, "aMAMA". Don't worry, baby! Mama's a comin' to the rescue!

**I'm back to add another exciting element in the MacPherson home. Danielle has started going to sleep by herself at bedtime- 7:30 pm! Which means more time for mommy and daddy, better sleep for baby and she has learned the art of putting herself to sleep so we don't need to hold her so much any more! She has not been able to do this before. She would cry and cry and cry...which I just didn't like making her do. So now- 5 1/2 mo. old- she fusses a bit then falls asleep! Yay for Danielle! Yay for Mommy! This is a HUGE milestone for us. For some reason, I have had much anxiety over the issue- probably the majority unneeded. Now we're working on nap times and sleeping through the night. I am encouraged...this too will come in time.

We are never alone

2007-07-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

Well...life just seems to fly by as usual. The MacPhersons are rollin' around like crazy this summer- it seems we're so busy. I thought life was supposed to slow down when you had a baby. Even though we've cut stuff out, it still feels like the only difference is now we're trying to juggle it all WITH a baby. Dani's such a good baby, though, she makes it easy.

I wanted to share this story that a friend forwarded to me. It is such a good reminder for us...then if you wanna know what's been up with the MacP clan...you can read on.

We are never alone,Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage? His dad would take him into the forest blindfolded, and leave him alone. He was required to sit on a stump the whole night...and not take off the blindfold until a ray of sun shone through it. He would be all by himself.He could not cry out for help to anyone. Once he survived the night he would be a MAN. He could not tell the other boys of this experience. Each lad must come into his own manhood.The boy was terrified...could hear all kinds of noises. Beasts were all around him. Maybe even some human would hurt him. The wind blew the grassand earth, and it shook his stump. But he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could be a man. Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he saw his father sitting on the stump next tohim at watch the entire night. He was never really alone and neither are we. Even when we do not know it, our Father is protecting us. He is sitting on the 'stump' beside us. All we have to do is reach out to Him.
I love it when a profound truth is explained so simply.

Last week was our annual Bear Paw Festival in Eagle River. Morgan had a booth for The Refuge there, where teens could hang out on the couches, play foosball, etc. It was very successfull, but required long days. Morgan was there all day until 10pm Fri to Sun. I tried to bring him food all day so we didn't spend our life savings (which is tiny anyway) on the food vendors. Managing that while trying to care for a baby in and out of the pouring rain was a challenge...but it was exciting.

Sunday my mom played the banjo in church. She hadn't done that for a while. Brought back memories of the old days. ahh.

Dani's getting so strong. She's almost sitting up by herself now. She's been sleeping through the night more regularly now. YAYYYYYYYYY!

This week I took a temp job for a local Realty office in town owned by some people in our church. Working front desk...learning alot about buying and selling houses...and also learning that I am not a business woman. I feel too much for people...guess I'll make a good nurse. Call me the sugar momma this week though- bringin' in the moolah!

Next week I've gotta get serious about getting stuff done around the house. Kitchen floor needs a serious scrubbing...screens need cleaned...lots of organizing needs to happen. We've got friends coming in August and it's creeping up on me!

We FINALLY got a warm spell after having rain rain and more rain.

I can't decide what to do with my hair. I decided to cut it short one day..then Morgan says, "I think you should keep your hair long." Me: "Why's that?" Morgan: "Cause moms with long hair are hot." Guess that's decided. But still the question is...bangs again or no bangs? Keep the au-naturale boring brown or color it an exciting brown again? Then today I get a compliment that my hair color is pretty...and when I suggest to this person that i'm thinking of coloring it a richer brown, she says I shouldn't. So people's consensus is that I shouldn't do anything but I NEED to! I'm not happy with it as is. So, what's a girl to do? (vote on the right to help me!)

I'm gradually fitting back into my old clothes, but not as quickly as hoped. I still have a tummy pooch. It's ugly. I feel fat alot.

We're going to buy a new car soon. I think we've decided on a CRV. I'm so excited because I won't be stranded at home all the time any more. (we live in the country) Someone's lending us their car for a month right now though, so I'm getting a taste of freedom already. Ah- it's nice.

I can't think of much more right now. Maybe I"ll post some more summer pictures soon.

At This Moment:

Danielle is...enjoying a day at home with Daddy. (If Mommy hadn't gone home for lunch she might not have been dressed today. ;-)

Morgan is...trying to get work done at home while watching Dani.

I am about to...ring in a nice paycheck for a week's worth of work.
Today's reason to rejoice...We've had lovely weather this week.

Looking forward to...being back at home with my daughter.
Wishing that...we had sandy beaches in Alaska.

Our new Household Friend...

2007-06-20T22:36:00.000-08:00

Her name is Bumbo; she is pink and squishy. She is just the right size and just the right shape. She loves to hold babies, and Danielle loves her! Bumbo Bumbo, we have a Bumbo!

Danielle's grandparents bought it for her last week, and she LOVES it! She's been trying to sit up, but can't quite yet, so she'll just sit, quite content in her Bumbo for long periods of time, as she watches Mommy and Daddy quite closely from her Bumbo throne. She also found her toes yesterday. Too cute!

Speaking of the cool new throne, Danielle has also been seen sporting her new Baby Banz...no longer will she blind herself from the harmful lights she so eagerly is drawn towards. Watch out Hollywood! She's hot stuff.

In other news, we just got back from a trip to Seattle where we celebrated all in 4 days- Danielle turning 4 mo. old; Morgan's 28th B-day; a first Father's Day; and his ordination! It was a grand time. My parents were there of course, and his parents flew all the way from Ontario for it...that was special. It was great to see special friends (ok, heather, now you have to comment!) and to meet new ones. We always enjoy our trips to Seattle.
So, now, I've joined the club ya'll. Call me Mrs. Rev. Morgan MacPherson.

At This Moment:

Danielle is...sound asleep in her crib, taking a break from her life of constant drooling/teething.

Morgan is...healing nicely from his nasty, scary, fall off the ladder last week.
I am about to...chop my hair off.

Today's reason to rejoice...God will meet all of our needs.

Looking forward to...camping and fishing next week.

Wishing that...I had more hours in the day.

25...Quarter of a century...half way to fifty...

2007-06-04T23:56:00.001-08:00

So today was the first birthday I'd ever had where I wasn't excited about getting older...for the following reasons:

-It doesn't feel like I've lived that long. But I only have that much more to go until I"m 50, then that much more again before I could easily die! How sad that life is so short. (not that I'm not tOTALLY stoked for heaven).

-My twenties are leaving me. I'm on the downhill stretch now. The older I get, the less cool I get. The more serious I get.

-Men get distinguished with age...women's bodies become harder and harder to maintain. Mine (also adding in I just had a baby) is getting harder and harder to maintain.

For these three reasons, I haven't been excited about celebrating my birthday today.
Then my husband threw me a surprise party, and I"ve had lots of phone calls, e-cards, and facebook wishes from people. So thanks for making my day a whole lot more special. Here's some latest pictures.

So, Danielle is teething now. She's sticking anything and everything in her mouth to chew on. Her favorite is her fingers though. She's hard to get a picture of now, without sticking those fingers in her mouth!

Getting ready to go shopping for a dress for daddy's ordination!

Two of Danielle's big-girl friends, Malia and Claire, at Mommy's birthday party.

Hmm...if only i could figure out how to get my paci.

***sorry the captions don't line up with the pictures...couldn't figure that one out.

At This Moment:
Danielle is...sound asleep in her crib.
Morgan is...playing guitar hero.

I am about to...go to bed.
Today's reason to rejoice...Danielle has consolidated her nightime feedings into one at 4am!
Looking forward to...going to Seattle next week.
Wishing that...I could have seen my brother today.

Oh no

2007-05-27T21:24:00.001-08:00

My daughter is starting to show her preference for certain entertainment. She prefers some toys over others. She likes certain games over others, certain noises over other ones. One preference, however, i'm not too excited about.

Danielle LOVES tv! I know this is probably normal. Babies like the lights/sounds/motion etc. Sometimes we sit down and cuddle to a good program. But then occasionally I get these flash images of Danielle turning into a couch potato, insisting on watching tv instead of playing outside. It is in those moments when I want to unplug the tv and throw it out the window immediately...but then I realize I might get in trouble when the husband gets home. And then the next day when I want my daily dose of Ellen while I'm making dinner, I might regret it.

Nevertheless, this picture tells the story. I was holding her into me the other day, making googly faces with her, when she all of a sudden realized what was behind her. She insistently arched her back and would not move! She was very pleased to watch the tv upside down. It was too cute, as she laid in this position for a long time.

(Shout out to Renae for the Berry Sweet shirt)

In other news, Danielle has decided that her thumb is not enough. She must indulge in the WHOLE FIST! Yes, every finger has a different flavor, didn't you know? Sometimes she gets it so far back in there she gags on it. So funny.

This is "Hi, I'm cute. But I'm really hungry...so can you stop taking pictures of me now and feed me PLEASE!!!"

At This Moment:

Danielle is...settling in for a good night's sleep on Daddy's lap.

Morgan is...holding Danielle- of all things- watching tv.

I am about to...wash bottles.

Today's reason to rejoice...we took a 2.5 hour nap after church!

Looking forward to...Morgan being home 2 days in a row.

Wishing that...Danielle were sleeping through the night by now.

In a Name

2007-05-14T13:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Belated Mother's Day. We had a special day appreciating the gift of motherhood yesterday. Morgan and Danielle made me a sweet video clip and my mom wrote me one of those letters that reached right down deep inside and touched the 'spring up oh well' button. :-) I love my Mom. She's a gem. She's such an inspiration of strength, wisdom, patience, and Godly love. I can't imagine life without my mom. She's probably my best friend. This was the first year without my Grandma. We miss her. I think she had the best mother's day ever this year though, as she spent it with the Lord and is experiencing first hand the Father's love toward her- and her giving it in return back to Him.

Last Saturday, I heard a sermon in which the preacher illustrated a Bible character's name and how it described his personality and character. Although the essence of his message wasn't on the meaning of names, it has really given me something to ponder the last couple days. I've been thinking alot about names.
I know that we don't place meaning on our names like they did in Bible times, but I wonder if there is still more significance to our name than we think. And if there is not now, I think there can be. I think the name we give to our child can have great significance. We now choose a name based mostly on how we like the sound of it, the association of it, and the popularity of it. When we chose Danielle's name, we considered all of these things, but we also considered the meaning of her name.
Lately, I have been considering the meaning of her name on an even deeper level and actually am feeling strongly impressed to model my prayers for her by her name- that she would become a woman of God who would live up to her name.
Her name embodies so much meaning. I pray consistently that she would grow to love God, to be sensitive to His voice, and to capture a passion for His Kingdom. And now, I am also praying even more specifically that she would live up to her name.

Danielle- I pray that she would dare to be a Daniel- a woman of prayer. I pray that she would be bold as Daniel was bold. Danielle means "God is my judge". I pray that she would keep her eyes fixed on the author and perfector of her faith, that she would not care about what others think, but only what her Father in heaven thinks. I pray that she would remember the responsibility she has to one day stand before God and give and account for her life and that she would present spotless robes to Him- cleansed by the blood of His Son. I pray that she would have the courage to face whatever may come at her in her witness for Christ- whether that be a den of lions or a furnace of flames.

Esther- means 'star'. I pray that Danielle Esther would shine as a star and reflect the Lord's light in a dark world. I pray that God would use her to guide others to the Truth, as He used the star of Bethlehem to guide the wise men to Truth in Bethlehem. I pray that she would reflect the star-like beauty of the Lord and that when people gaze upon her and notice the inner beauty that shines, that they would worship the Lord who created her and gave her that beauty. Esther was set apart for 'such a time as this'. She was such a strong and courageous woman.

I pray that my Danielle Esther will be a strong leader among her people, as both her namesakes were. I pray that she would be bold, strong, and courageous as they both were. That she would be obedient and God would grant her wisdom and discernment to know how to share His Truth with others. I pray that God would keep her from the enemy, who wants to destroy her and thwart God's purpose for her life. I pray that He would protect her from the Hamans and the Nebuchadnezzers who might stand in the way of her ministry. I pray that my little girl will be sensitive to God's voice and timing as they both were and that she would love Him with her whole self.

These are my daily prayers. All in a name. I believe that God gave Danielle her name. And I believe that my little girl has a calling to fufill. I only pray that I will be successful in doing my part to help her succeed.

Life

2007-05-11T23:03:00.000-08:00

The past couple days have looked like this:
We go out in public.
Little baby girl loves to look around.
Little baby girl can't get enough.
Little baby girl has huge round eyes.
Little baby girl's head bobbles back and forth and she takes in the sights.
Little baby girl decides very quickly she's had enough.
Little baby girl gets a poochy lip.
Little baby girl cries (very loudly) for an hour.
Mommy realizes, once again, her little baby girl is overwhelmed by life.

Overwhelmed by life...don't we all feel that way at times? The poor little thing is so attentive to her surroundings, new things are overwhelming. And I empathize with her...sometimes I want to cry for an hour too when life becomes too much.

Needless to say, we will be doing outings very sparingly for a while now. For now, Danielle and Mommy will be homebodies. Mommy has to be more selfless in this way for a season. As long as I remember it's a season, I can get through the cabin fever. She's worth it.

In our neck of the woods...

2007-04-30T20:39:00.000-08:00

Latest Happenings:

- Morgan's family was here to visit for a week. We had a great time; it was his sisters' first visit to Alaska. Although- Danielle got more attention than the mountains did of course.

-Danielle was dedicated last Sunday. There is now no doubt she is an angel baby. (wink)

-Danielle is finally starting to love baths, and it's fun!

-Spring is here. The peacocks have returned to the duck pond.

-Danielle loves her new swing that her Nana bought for her...but Mommy maybe loves it more!

-Danielle got her first big set of shots today. I think it was more traumatic for Mommy than baby. She's forgotten; I haven't.

-My baby's cute.

-Vegetable lasagna from Costco makes all other lasagna recipes fail in comparison.

-I went to hear my little brother present a machine he got a University grant to build; it smokes cigarettes to test the impact the smoke has on lung tissue. He's a smarty pants, or as my dad calls it, an 'egghead'. :-)

-Enjoying a new Lemon garlic hummus as my latest most popular snack.

-Wishing I craved milk again like I did when I was pregnant. Now I'm back to choking it down.

-Danielle slept 6 hours in a row last night!!! Mommy was very excited, but not too hopeful that it will repeat itself tonight. I know better.

-Spiders are back. Goo.

-Planning our summer vacations now. Yay!

-Going to bed now. Bye.

A Little Early for Mother's Day, but it was timely for my week. I hope it is for yours too...

2007-04-16T16:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Mothers,
I want to pass something on to you that a wise woman reminded me of at church on Sunday. It has proven to be a great source of meditation and encouragement to me this week.
She encouraged me about my quiet role of ministry as a mother, and compared it to the quiet, humble ministry that Dorcas/Tabitha had (in Acts). Dorcas was confident in who she was in Christ and often went unnoticed I'm sure, but it was ok with her because she knew in her heart that she was being obedient to what the Lord had called her to do. Thought it may have been small in many people's eyes, it had a great impact in the Lord's Kingdom! So too are mothers like this. Motherhood often goes unrecognized. It is a huge task. It is hard. But it is quiet. Day-to-day mothering chores are quiet. This ministry is not announced in the weekly service or celebrated at the annual meetings. But we are his quiet hands extending His love to our little ones. We have a GREAT role in His kingdom!
So be encouraged today, mothers. Although our role is quiet, it is huge! God sends His affirmation to you today.

p.s. Danielle had her 2 month well-child visit today. She weighs a whole 11 lb. 10 oz. now and is 23 1/4 in. long! Her head is growing too- 39 1/2 cm! This week I tried getting a onesie on her that fit fine before and had to practically jam it over her head to get it on. Poor thing. Needless to say, that was the last day that onesie will meet her skin. She's growing out of her newborn clothes. sniff sniff.

Germ-a-phobe

2007-04-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

Last night after church we went to McDonalds with some friends to take advantage of $1.00 Dip-N-Dots Sundays...our friends have a toddler, so we spent our time in the play place. While there, I observed the children playing, realizing that some day soon my own would be letting out shrills of fun and laughter as well...
...and also picking up all the other snotty-nosed kids little germies.
Needless to say, I was reminded of how much of a germ a phobe I am.
Then this morning I read this article...I probably shouldn't have, now fun vacations in hotels will be clouded by my own idiosyncrosies (Sp?)...namely...germaphobia, liceaphobia, critteraphobia...you name it, I've probably got it.
GO here to read it:
http://travel.msn.com/Guides/article.aspx?cp-documentid=385246>1=9337&wa=wsignin1.0

My Little Girl's First Easter

2007-04-09T22:12:00.000-08:00

Whew

2007-04-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

Glad to know the paranoia is normal! :-) Thanks, everyone for your comments on my last post. It was a great comfort to know that my feelings on people holding her were normal, and it was fun to hear your different and alike perspectives on routines and schedules.

I am of the personality that I overanalyze everything, read every book, and end up being indecisive every time when it comes to making a decision, because once again I'm overanalyzing the situation. Such has been the case here. I started reading books, listening to people's "advice", and began to feel like I was messing up! I wasn't doing it right. I would think, "well, great it worked for them...so maybe it's what we should do!?" Anyways, all this reading and listening resulted in grand confusion in the MacPherson home this week. Poor little Danielle...I'm sure she didn't know what the heck her mommy was doing half the time. Because...well...neither did I! One minute, I'd decide I was going to stick with trying to get her to go to sleep on her own (as books I'd read said she should be doing that by now)...then I'd decide I didn't want to do that so I'd rock her to sleep. TOTAL indecisiveness...inconsistency...yadayada yada...you know...what you're NOT suppose to do to children. But she's been so patient with Mommy. I'm sure she understands her mommy's confusion. (smile).

Finally, after praying for clarity and wisdom, looking into myself, and speaking with a few wise seasoned mothers, I came to peace with just being myself and doing what works for us...not worrying about following a book or plan or what someone else did. Because, I find when I try to do something like that, I get all stressed out when it doesn't work, or when I don't follow through and "fail". I asked myself, "what's my instinct? what's MY philosophy? What's working for MY daughter?" Right now, trying a schedule IS too early, as many of you have said. She's in a growth spurt, wanting to eat all the time. Some days she's more sleepy than others and naps for hours...some days she has tons of wake time and is awake for hours. So we're going to go with the flow. It works for us. We're much happier that way. We're loving parenthood that way.

I don't care if it's "bad" to rock her to sleep or to bring her into bed with me to help her fall asleep. Those are the things I am loving most about being a mom and so I'm going to enjoy them while they last.

I could go on and on about my "new" Mommy revelation. It's brought a freedom though...and the books are going to go on the shelf for a while. I've read them...I've gleaned what I need. Now I'm just going to enjoy and wing it...that's where I soar. I love to see her smile and I enjoy figuring out why she's crying so I can meet her needs. Mmmm...I love being a mommy.

She's so happy it's awesome. Here's a picture of her smile today. I just can't get enough of it!!!

First Time Mom Phobia

2007-04-03T15:33:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to ask you moms out there a couple questions for a while.

1. How paranoid were you about 'passing off' your baby to people to be held when they were newborns? The purpose of my question is to compare myself to see if I am overreacting for real, or if this is normal and good.
I have found myself to be quite protective and possessive of Danielle, to the point where I don't feel comfortable with anyone holding her unless they are family and even then sometimes I grow uncomfortable and need to have her back in Morgan's or my own arms.
When she was just 2 weeks old and we took her to church, I actually had several people ask to hold her and it was awkward to politely decline. I know it's normal for people to want to hold a newborn, but I just haven't felt comfortable with it. Her first week, when ladies brought us meals, I let them hold her then...but at church I have not passed her to anyone but family.
Right now, there is a good deal of flu and the rhinovirus circuiting around here which makes me even more paranoid. Her pediatrician actually told us that we should not pass her around until she is 3 months old, for logical reasons pertaining to fevers and blood test with newborns under 3 months. She said to make her out to be the 'bad guy'...but even when I still (politely) tell people what the doctor recommended, they sometimes seem to take it personally and look at me like I'm from Mars, totally overreacting, or make comments like, "You're DEFINITELY a first time mom!", resulting in me feeling stupid for following my motherly instinct. People seem to think that the antibodies a baby receives from the mother are a universal ticket of protection. Perhaps my education in this subject serves to make me overly paranoid in the viral/bacterial department. Yes, they help...but if I can get it, she can get it.
So my question is this. Were you the same way? Are my feelings too extreme? Morgan and I try to be as polite about it as we can and hope that people can just wait until she gets a little older to hold her...why can't they wait without making me feel totally dumb? Some people seem to understand and comment that they were the same way with their first, then others just laugh and make smart remarks.
So...just looking to find out how you handled your first, or what you're experiences have been with newborns. I'm interested in everything from totally not caring who holds your baby to being as anal as I am.

2. At what age did you worry about trying to improve your child's sleep habits (ie. establishing a bedtime routine, self-soothing, going to sleep on their own and in their own bed, etc.)...I've heard different opinions. Do you think I should start worrying about this at 2 months, or should we continue to 'go with the flow'.

Thanks! By the way, these questions are no reflection of how much I LOVE being a mom!!!!

A Praise Day...these days, my praise revolves around Danielle. Can you tell?

2007-03-27T11:02:00.000-08:00

Today I'm feeling a little down...no reason...just some blues. So I thought I'd set my mind on things above and give a little praise.

A few things I praise the Lord for today...

Giving me a song of praise
Danielle!
Finding me, wooing me, loving me, caring for me, holding me.
Danielle!
His patience with me and mercy toward me, when my humanity supercedes my desire for a heart like His.
Danielle!
Two great parents he gave me to who raised me to know Him...a Godly mother and friend, and a wise father who taught us in the way we should go.

Danielle!
My husband of 4 years3 months.

oh wait...almost forgot Danielle!

Danielle
More time spent with my Grandpa, who I love dearly! Two awesome brothers, a sweet sister-in-law, and the cutest little nephew, Gabe!
Dani-baby
The many opportunities I have to serve in His church and advance His kingdom...I'm thankful for the privilege He's given us to speak into other people's lives...namely the teens.

Danielly-belly
I praise the Lord for the warm home we can dwell and minister in.

And my biggest praise of late...giving me the joy of all joys... my Dani-girl. She has brought so much new joy, emotion, laughter, praise, and love into our home. I'm so thankful that the Lord has entrusted me with this little life. Last night Morgan and I were trying to get her to sleep (she's got a late night, late morning thing going on) and she just layed on her changing table cooing and smiling. How can you be frustrated with something as sweet as that??? Morgan was playing a little game he plays with her and she was loving it! After a little while of cooing, squealing, gurgling and smiling, she let out a big LAUGH!!! Our first LAUGH!!!!! Behind our tears and urgings to pick the little sweet thing up and shower her with sloppy kisses, we praised the Lord for the joy she has already brought into our home. So...since I can't get enough of her and I'm sure you can't either (smile), here are some more pictures.

2007-03-16T20:43:00.001-08:00

Happy 1 Month Birthday, Danielle!

She is now...
-holding her head very well
-smiling responsively
-gaining alot more leg strength and motion
-focusing on objects and looking all around...she loves lights
-weighs 9lb. 12 oz.
-ALMOST in size 1 diapers
-cries for attention, smiles when you give it to her
-still VERY snuggly and kissable!

I'm a Proud Mommy

2007-03-14T19:18:00.000-08:00

3 weeks ago and 1 day...Danielle's birth day

2007-03-10T12:37:00.000-09:00

Danielle- 4 days old

Well it has been 3 weeks since this blessed event that changed our lives forever occured in the MacPherson home. For those of you who have asked or are just interested in labor stories, here it is...

Thursday, Feb. 15...you would remember it as my 'track star' post...also the day before her birth. I was determined to get the baby out of me. I'd had it with being pregnant. It had been a wonderful experience for me; I'd loved the beauty and splendor of pregnancy. However, enough was enough...and I'd had my fill. So that day I went a'walkin. Not just for a little walk, but A'WALKIN! I walked for a combination of several hours that day. When I became a little sore in my lower abdomen, I kept walking. When I was tired, I sat down for a minute, and then kept walking. I just kept thinking about 'moving that baby down'!
So then Thursday night, Morgan and I watched a movie. I remember having to get up to use the bathroom every 10 minutes and we were laughing about it. It wasn't unusual for me to have to pause a movie a couple times for my bathroom reverie, but this was literally every 10 minutes. Something about it felt different. Since I'd been experience 'early labor' over the previous several weeks, I'd gotten used to feeling things I hadn't felt before, so never thought much of it.
That night, I hit a wall, and literally went crazy...ask Morgan! I could NOT handle being pregnant any more,a nd I can't describe the miserable feeling I had. I resented everyone and everything, including the baby. I slapped myself in the face and it made me feel better. Yah- psycho! Morgan didn't know what to do for me.
I know the Holy Spirit led him though, because he prayed a very Spirit led prayer over me and the baby and asked the Lord to bring the baby soon. It was very comforting. He then set up a candlelit bath to help calm me. (By this time, it was about 3 am). I was having contractions at this point, but nothing different than I'd been feeling for 3 weeks. After the bath, I went to sleep, but continued to have painful contractions through the night. At first, I was able to sleep through them, then in between them, until finally around 8 am, I woke Morgan as I couldn't get through them without his help any more.
I thought this might be it, so I thought we should get moving along just in case. I ate breakfast, checked my email (replied to a teen's important email), emailed my Mom in her classroom to let her know it was time, called my Dad to let him know to head to the birthing center, and called the midwife around 9:45. By then, we'd been timing my contractions for an hour and they were 5-6 minutes apart. I had lost the rest of my mucous plug early in the morning too. Barb (the midwife) said to call back when they got to be 4 minutes apart, and confirmed that this time (finally!) it sounded like the real thing! Well, as soon as I got off the phoen with her, they became 4 minutes apart. I then showered very quickly, as I was determined to be clean for labor (little did I know how futile this was....). I had to shower in between the contractions as by now they were very painful and strong, and were 2-3 minutes apart. Barb had said that when I showered, they'd become closer together but then might go back to how they were once I finished showering. She was right, and when I got out they resumed to be 3-4 minutes apart.
Morgan was so incredible! Running around like crazy in between helping me thorugh the contractions and gettin geverything ready to go, plus showering himself.

Around 10:30 am, I said, "Call Barb! I HAVE To get in there NOW!"(knowing I had a 1/2 hour car ride and the pain was getting worse and worse...plus there was a snow storm!)
We left by 10:45 and it was a snowy, blizzardy day. Traffic was painfully slow (literally!) Morgan was going crazy trying to get me there and I was at times panicking from the pain. Finally, we arrived.

Barb immediately checked me and said I was 8 CM dialated!!! We were So excited and I was SO relieved! I'd set myself up to find I'd only be like 5 cm, so 8 cm was a HUGE relief! Since I was nearing transition and the contractions were so bad, she got the tub ready for me. Barb was such an awesome midwife. She seemed to know all the perfect tings to suggest for me to try. The tub helped my contractions emmensely, and I was even smiling and talking in between them (at 8-9 cm!) They got stronger and stronger and my water never broke. She had me moan, which helped me breathe. My mom and Morgan stayed with me through the whole thing. My dad waited outside the door in the private sitting area.

AFter being in the tub about an hour, Barb asked me if I wanted her to break my water. I said yes, so we went in the bedroom and she broke it around noon. My belly immediately shrunk to half the size! WE still had no idea Danielle would be so big. The contractions after that were almost unbearable. I squeezed Morgan's arm so tight I broke his skin (sorry!). Danielle was in a position as such that I could not push yet. It was miserably painful! Barb had me turn in certain ways to help her rotate. Finally, during one contraction, I felt her turn inside of me, then they said I could push. However, I was scared to push, and didn't know how. Barb helped me figure out how to relax, so I could push. Then I was able to; it HURT! Pushing was not the immediate relief people had said it would be. It was the hardest part for me. I held on to an instrument that I pulledon to help me push; it was slow going, so I then rotated to my hands and knees. I could feel her head, but she was descending so slowly! With each push, her head would lower a bit more, then go back up.
I remember finally reaching an extreme point of determination to make it my last push and I pushed 6 times in a row on one contraction! I was SO exhausted, but continued to give it my everything...her head finally came. THen I had to push 3 more times to get her shoulders out. As she sat with her head out, she let out a little cry. :-) When she all came out, Morgan picked her up and handed her to me. She was beautiful and blue! ;)I sat back with my precious baby in my arms, she turned pink, then Daddy cut her cord after it stopped pulsating. When I held her for the first time, she was already sucking her thumb and had a little freckle under her eye.
I did it au-naturale and am so proud of me and my girl! I couldn't have done it without Morgan by my side either; he was so amazing. The Lord was my strength.
She was born at 2:34 pm, after 6 1/2 hours of labor, almost 2 hours of pushing, on Friday Feb. 16th.

I look at her and am constantly amazed by this precious gift the Lord has entrusted me with. She's sweet in so many ways. Already, she has the sweetest disposition, she smells sweet, she looks sweet, she's my sweetie.
There are days when I am blue. But even on those days, when Ive reached my wits end of exhaustion and frustration, I look at her and she takes my breath away. When I wake up at night to hearing her whines and cries, I drag myself to her bed, and when I look at her, my fatigue diminishes in light of my love for the little creature staring at me with helpless, beautiful, dependent eyes.

So I'm doing good. It's hard. I'm no superwoman and mothering is HARD! But I'm overall happy and getting through day by day. I have my moments of tears and muscle aches...crazy emotions and feelings of inadequacy. The Lord is my keeper and my strength. He is my helper and has already helped and provided for us in so many ways since Danielle's birth. She is finally gaining weight and getting on a eating schedule, and my milk is increasing, praise the Lord. We look forward to what's ahead, and watching our little one grow.

2 1/2 weeks

Oh the joys

2007-03-06T13:55:00.000-09:00

So I was going to just post, but then I saw it...my sweet and 'innocent' little daughter...face turns red...classic cross eyed pursed mouth pooping face...kitten wimpers...explosion. Enough said. :-)

I'm 2 weeks old, and I'm keeping Mommy too busy to blog!

2007-03-03T21:01:00.000-09:00

Well, when people told Mommy how I would change her life, she could not have prepared herself enough for how true that would really be! I'm sorry to all of you that I have kept her from being able to blog recently, but really I'm not too sorry, because these are special days where she's getting to know me really well. It's been a wonderful week for her, but a really hard and draining one. Daddy went to Seattle for church business and so we stayed with Grandma Shillington. Mommy couldn't have gotten through the week without her help! Mommy's legs are working alot better now and she can get around to take care of me pretty much on her own.
After my 2 week check-up, we learned I wasn't gaining any weight. It has been a tiring week trying to get enough food into me, but it looks like I"m gaining weight now that I'm also drinking formula. God has almost miraculously provided the professional help we have needed for free, and Mommy and Daddy are blown away by GOd's provision.
Mommy wants me to let you know that when she has time, she will share our birth story with you and post more pictures. For now, here is one of my first Sunday at church. Daddy was especially so proud to show me off, and he took me up front with him to introduce me to the church when he gave announcements. Everyone in the church loves me to pieces, but Mommy still is not comfortable with people holding me. That's ok. I love my mommy and Daddy best. :-)
Well, I think I'm going to go dream of milk now.
I can't wait to meet you all!
Love,
Danielle

Danielle's first few days

2007-02-21T20:42:00.000-09:00

Here's some pictures of my little sweetie over the past couple days. She's 5 days old today! Almost a week! My how time flies. Thank you everyone for your congrats!
It was so fun to hear from so many of you who I haven't heard from in so long!

(Uncle Homer and Aunt Linda- sorry we missed your birthday! :-) She was born the day in between another aunt and her Nana MacPhersons' birthday too. She was determined to have her own day!)

She is Here!!!

2007-02-18T06:07:00.000-09:00

Well, I did it! I am not permanently pregnant after all. Our little angel girl, Danielle Esther MacPherson, joined us Friday, Feb. 16 around 2:30 pm. Wondering why my tummy was so big? I pushed out a 9lb. 2oz. bundle of love! Today she is down to 8lb. 8oz. but is still chubby and pink. She's is so cute, and we are in love.
Go to Morgan's blog for now to see pictures. I am on the mend and will post more when I get a chance.

That's right- I'm a track all-star!

2007-02-15T15:22:00.000-09:00

So today I went to the "mac" center, the local ice rink, to walk around the track. It was a delightful walk as I listened to my iPod and watched the elderly walking along with me, most of them couples, walking side by side, getting their daily exercise. Delightful- until they started passing me! Getting smoked by the old folks! Nice.

Officially Overdue

2007-02-13T09:34:00.000-09:00

Thanks for all the "Happy Due Dates" and encouragements! You guys REALLY are helping me get through this. If I am discouraged, I will read a comment and go to my happy place. Alas, it looks like baby's officially entered 'overdue' status. We just hope she comes before 42 weeks, otherwise we can't give birth at the birthing center and have to be induced at the hospital. I honestly never thought I'd go this long...for some reason I actually thought she'd be born a little early. I have an appointment today, so we'll see what's up.
Yesterday I woke up really discouraged, but of course husband proved to be his usually wonderful self, and (despite feeling really sick and crummy) did his best to help me through the day.
He put on worship music for me to meditate on for a bit, then we went and got healthy smoothies, walked around the mall, got groceries, then went to a movie. We saw "Stomp the Yard". It was pretty good; the moves amazed me.

So our night ended with a wish diverted...for once in a month, it was not wishing that the baby would come, but it was wishing we were both black. In fact, if I remember right, some of Morgan's last words of the day were, "Maybe baking the baby longer will make her black, and she'll have the moves." :-) lol In reality, neither of us can dance, let alone stomp, so this baby doesn't have very good chances.

After all, He is omniscient...

2007-02-11T10:59:00.000-09:00

I have to admit, I've prayed the "Lord, PALEASE bring my baby today", "Lord, PLEASE help tonight to be the night" prayers...
but perhaps the Lord knows what He's doing. This week, my Dad has been really sick. Now, I am nursing my husband back to health.
This baby is much more easily protected inside of me, isn't she, than if I was constantly worrying and shielding her from sickness floating around in our homes!

Also quite fitting as comfy pants have been the highlight of Sarah's blog lately, I got some new comfy pants at Walmart. In this last month of pregnancy, I have officially outgrown my 'smalls' and have been promoted to a 'medium'...atleast now I'm comfortable and this morning actually feel like maybe I COULD do this for another month if I have to!

Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS, and again I say REJOICE! I can rejoice because I am comfortable today in my comfy pants, and also because my baby is safe inside of me from all the viruses and bacteria floating around.

p.s. Tomorrow is my due date!!!! Which means...one day closer to the midwives saying, "ok, maybe we'll help nature along a little bit"! :-)

9 Months of Belly

2007-02-03T17:30:00.000-09:00

I remember at 15 weeks when I started to show how 'big' I felt...it's nothing compared to my new Oompa Loompa figure!!! I thought while we are waiting for the pictures we all really care about (BABY!!!) I'd recap the belly growth over the past 9 months. You can tell by now I'm getting tired of the belly...just have to have some fun with this figure, I guess! Husband and I were laughing so hard looking at the last ones. I guess you could say I've "let myself go". :-) All he can say is, "Wow". Ha ha ha ha ha. As my dad would say, "I have no shame." Let's just say I'm looking forward to getting back to the old me...

11 Weeks Pregnant

16 Weeks Pregnant

19 Weeks Pregnant

22ish Weeks Pregnant

26 Weeks Pregnant

34 Weeks Pregnant

36 Weeks Pregnant

39 Weeks Pregnant- I've turned into a short little Oompa Loompa!

39 Weeks Pregnant- I can't take these pictures seriously any more!!!

Looking a little nicer at 39 weeks

2007-02-02T14:03:00.000-09:00

I know everyone is probably wondering if this little baby has arrived because I have not posted for a while, so I thought I should just let you know there's no baby yet! We're still waiting. We've had one false alarm and lots of signs that it's coming, so just hang on!
We're so excited and can't wait for the day to share our news with all of you!
The wait will be worth it!

God Cares for His People/Focusing Upward

2007-01-22T10:16:00.000-09:00

Psalm 105

Oh, give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name;
Make known His deeds among the peoples!
Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him;
Talk of all His wondrous works!
Glory in His holy name;
Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the Lord!

Matthew 6:28-32

So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things...

We had a weekend full of baby showers! I will post more about them later. They were wonderful, and we feel so incredibly "showered" will love and affection. We were blown away by the expressions of love that people had to offer our little family. The shower on Sunday was one that my Mother threw for me with our church people. There were about 50 people there- it was incredible and overwhelming- and I am excited to tell you a bit more about it later.

For now though, I want to focus on my Lord in this. As this pregnancy has progressed, Morgan and I have been consistently exposed to one unexpected expense after another. The bottom line is- it's expensive to have a baby in the US! We have been blessed with health insurance, but it's a self-employed insurance, not a group plan, and as a result, carries alot of limitations with it. It's not the greatest, and therefore we still have to carry much of the monetary burden. There have been moments when we have been anxious, tempted to worry, to wonder where the money will come from. But I must testify that as we continually release these worries to the Lord, He pours upon us His peace and assurance in return!
On three different occasions, we have been surprised with spontaneous monetary blessings from those who have been prompted to give. We have been extremely blessed by both of our sets of parents and friends who have pretty much given us every "big" thing we need for the baby (crib, carseat, stroller, etc).
Praise the Lord we were able to write a check to fully cover the birthing center fee last week that is due on Thursday! And they will work with us in a plan to cover the other fees.
Then these showers have left me stunned and overwhelmed. God has gone above and beyond what we need for this baby. We have been blessed beyond measure with material things that will come in handy.

SO today I give thanks to the Lord and I make known His deeds among the people! He is good. He is generous. Why me? Why us? I pray that I will be just as generous with those that He prompts me to share His love with. There are so many in this world who are in need...serious need. I feel like it's unfair that I have so many blessings sometimes- a car, a warm home, a cozy bed, etc. etc. It is the least I can do to give to those who He asks me to. May I be an instrument of His love and peace in other people's lives.

Beyond this praise for material blessings, however, I have a deeper prayer. Jesus continues in His discourse on God's care in that God must be put first!
He continues:

..."But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matt. 6:33-4

I pray that we will endeavor to make THIS the focus of our home. It's easy when things get "tight" to focus on trying to fix it, trying to make it work. But I want the focus to always be seeking after the Kingdom! Seeking after righteousness! God allows these times in our lives to help us grow closer to Him and trust, not to worry. May the focus of this MacPherson home not be getting things, but getting closer to glory. Not wanting, but giving praise. Not desiring what our bodies need, but what our souls need.

We are blessed. God loves to give good gifts to His children. But I would rather have these gifts be gifts of the soul, gifts of freedom, praise, joy, and holy living than to be toys, gadgets, and new clothes. I hope I am able to pass on this desire to my children. In this age that is so focused on material things, I know this will be a challenge. I pray that God will completely transform MY heart so that I will be the model a mother should be of seeking after the Kingdom with all my heart, soul, and mind.

Mothers, how do you model this for your children? How do you pass on a desire for things above rather than things below that do not matter? I believe my mother planted this desire in me, and the Spirit has helped it to take fire...but I would LOVE to hear how you help your children understand what is MOST important in this life.

A Day in the life of a 9 month pregnant woman

2007-01-19T13:18:00.000-09:00

Well, I look forward to the day when I can stop posting pictures of my new hugio bod and post pictures of the cute little one that is making this bod so huge...but until then, I thought I would humble myself and show you what my husband has had to put up with lately. Jeans and a sweater is about as done up as I've been getting now-a-days, and the last picture of me in the husband's t-shirt that is now also too tight is a characteristic day. I had forgotten Morgan had taken these pictures until I was playing with the camera today, so what the heck, I thought I'd share.

I thought I would love this not busy, at home all day new lifestyle that I've been living- but it's hard! I'm a busy body, and I'm not sure I'm catered to stay at home all day. This morning I begged my husband to take me out for breakfast before he went to work, just so I could get out of the house! He did, and it was lovely. But now I'm at home again, and it's winter. It's not like I can call up a girlfriend to go skiing or go snowshoeing or hike along a river bed. I'm stuck inside. I could walk up and down my driveway I suppose...along the road is too dangerous with the road conditions this week...it's a windy curvy busy road with no sidewalk. We have one car. Alas, what shall I do?

Hmmm...to clean the toilets I go...then perhaps I will organize my recipe files.
Then, ah yes, I will sit with a nice hot cup of Tazo and commune with my best friend. After all, HE is always with me.

ss
You can see in this picture I've dropped a little there. I've dropped more since then.

Our dear friends (who happen to be massage therapists- bonus!) were showing Morgan how to help me stretch my hips when they bother me. Their 2 1/2 yr. old daughter, Malia, also wanted to help.
href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_p5AM_SzWMlo/RbFKldsjhpI/AAAAAAAAACQ/1JuBRX5tQvg/s1600-h/surprise.jpg">

I'm afraid I haven't looked much better than this most days of late. Poor husband.

***If you haven't guessed on the baby's birthday yet, go to the post below and take your best shot!

Coming Down to the Finish Line

2007-01-16T15:59:00.000-09:00

I thought I would give a baby update since this pregnancy is soon coming to an end!

The baby has dropped. I now feel like my tummy is sitting on my lap when I sit down. Pro- I can breathe! Con- the bathroom is my best friend.

Next Monday we will be full term...37 weeks. We have our birth center orientation then and get to prep for the real thing. It's hard to believe we could hold a baby in our arms next week...or the next...or the next...or the next. :-) The anticipation is awesome!

She's already such a good little baby; she's refrained from kicking mommy too hard or making her too uncomfortable. She just kindof "squirms". Once in a while we have a sleepless night because she's deciding to play but that's ok. We're looking forward to many more of those!

She doesn't seem to be too big of a baby...average size...she's still kind of small. The midwives say that is to be expected though since both her mommy and daddy are small people.

The nursery is ready for her to settle into! Maybe I will post pictures soon.

We have TWO baby showers this weekend; that will be lots of fun!

We just can't wait, and are SO excited to get to hold our precious baby for the first time pretty soon!!!

When do YOU think the baby will come??? Early? Late? Right on time? Cast your vote!

Girl of the Year

2007-01-15T11:10:00.000-09:00

Bindi Irwin, daughter of the late Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin

I just have to say- I think she is the cutest thing ever! She is SO articulate and mature...this little girl is going to go far and personally, I can't get enough of her! ADORABLE! Forget the rising pop stars...this little girl is a great role model for other children. Well...I don't know if I'd want my little girl to go out handling snakes as her "favorite pet", but I guess it would be better than many other things that kids are getting into now-a-days.

Go here to see the cutest interview with Larry King Live.

Today...

2007-01-09T16:27:00.000-09:00

I had a friend from church come and scrub my entry way floor for me...so sweet of her!

I finished baby's laundry (for now).

My sweet husband is helping me to organize the nursery closet.

We have our last birthing class tonight.

I am going to have to deal with another student who seems to have decided to not show up to their lessons and not even call me (after I have called them and have not heard back from them in over a week). Some people are so irresponsible and it's so frustrating!

It's been a good day.

Well toodles; that's all for now.

For Auld Lang Syne 2006

2006-12-31T16:00:00.000-09:00

***This is a VERY long post...just making up for the lack of lately.***

One of my favorite songs of the season is "Auld Lang Syne", an old Scottish tune sung at New Years. It means, "times gone by".
The thing about New Years is that it does symbolize time gone by. Usually, we also look forward to the coming year; but at some point we also reminice about the days that have gone by. Today on Dec. 31, 2006, I find myself very excited about the new year and what it's going to bring (aka BABY!). However, most of all, it seems as though I am looking from Heaven's view at a slide show entitled "Angela's life-2006".
All week long actually, I've remembered this year, and as I look back, I've seen God's hand work in some little ways, some ways that perhaps I didn't realize were there at the time, some big ways, and some huge ways. I've seen Him part waters that I never thought could be parted. I've seen His extended hand of love welcomed where I never thought it would be accepted. I've seen His hands melt hearts of stone and heal some deep cuts and wounds. I've seen Him work in me.
I've known Him as Abba, my Father. I've known Him as Shalom, my peace. I've seen Him as Jehovah Jirah, my provider. I've known Him as Adonai, my Lord. He has been my El-Shaddai, an Almighty God who can conquer any war that rages within me. And He is my Jehovah-M'Kaddesh, sanctifier and purifier of my heart. Jehovah-Rophe, He has healed! Most of all, He has shown Himself to be Jehovah-Shammah. He has been there- always been there. He has been the Alpha and the Omega. He was there from the beginning of the year to the end. He is waving His banner of victory over me as Jehovah Nissi and proclaiming me as His child!
This Lord I know, my Abba, He has moved me this year. I cannot speak of it without shedding soulful tears, joyful tears. The most marvelous and mysterious part of it all is that I didn't realize it was happening. He led me up by little steps. He revealed His glory little by little, only as much as He knew I could take in at the time. There were so many times during the year I asked the Lord, "Are you working in my life? Where are you? Am I moving? Am I growing? Am I seeking You enough?" Yet, He was always there, patiently carrying me and teaching me and fathering me and loving me. And now I look back, and I see how much I have grown! How far I have come! How much more I love Him! Because He was everything to me and so much more!
The year began with a young woman who wondered where life would take her in the next year, who wondered if it would be a year of mourning or a year of rejoicing. A woman whose one resolution was to draw near to the heart of God, but who wondered if it would be through times of trial or times of joy. The year began with a woman who was anticipating the future.
The year has ended with a young woman who has seen both. It has been a year of trail. It has been a year of joy. Yet, through it all, I have drawn near to the heart of God. Through it all I can rejoice in the time past.
It is interesting how the year is divided. Sometimes we divide it by quarters, sometimes semesters, sometimes months, sometimes bi-annually. June marks the middle. June was for me this year the culmination of all that God had prepared me for in the previous six months and would lead me through in the next six months. In a matter of 2 weeks, I lost my dear Grandmother, a woman whose love and life I cherished. In March of the same year, she had asked me (not for the first time, but it would be the last) again when we were going to "start a family". A week after her death and funeral, I discovered the miracle of life that God had placed inside of me! How timely was God's providence. Mid the pain of losing someone I loved very dearly, I was given a new song of joy! And I knew that Grandma, in heaven, was rejoicing with me. God had given me a constant reminder of His love. One that has grown inside of me for almost 9 months now.
Every time I feel my precious one kick or move, I remember God's love. I feel so blessed. Every day His provision, love, patience, forgiveness, and acceptance overwhelms me. I am reminded of how He has always kept His promises.
Most of all, I am reminded of what is to come. And I anticipate like a little child at Christmas time what is to come. What adventure does He hold for me this year? When I feel the love I have for my child and the joy that she has already brought, it helps me get a glimpse into the heart of God- how much He must love us. What GOOD plans He has for us!
So today I have remembered Auld Lang Syne and what God has done in the past.
But tomorrow I will look forward to the future- and anticipate what corner will be turned next. I hope it means more baby steps. I've learned that the baby steps are most exciting, because you just don't know where you're going. But I will trust Him to move me. I will trust Him to take me higher...higher...higher.
Remember swinging as a child?
"Wheeeee!!!!"
That's how I feel.
How wonderful to have an Abba to rejoice with me when I am saying "wheee!!!" and to love me and piece me back together when I fall.
But ALWAYS, His banner over me is Love! Wheeee!!!

Christmas Belly!

2006-12-25T22:02:00.000-09:00

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a wonderful day! I just thought I'd share some new belly picts! I'm getting big Big BIG! One more month to go!
Check out the last picture to see my new talent! :-)
Enjoy!

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T14:16:00.000-09:00

I have sucked this year at getting any sort of cards or Christmas greetings out this year. It has been such a crazy Christmas season, and my mind has been in other places. Today, on Christmas Eve, I am trying to draw my mind and my heart into worshiping the Savior of the world. I pray that you too will sense the Lord's nearness as you celebrate His birth, and I hope you know that you friends are loved by the MacPhersons, despite our poor Christmas communication.

Have a Very Merry Christmas!

Love,
Ang, Morgan, and ???

Where has the month gone?

2006-12-07T10:18:00.000-09:00

It has been a long time since I have taken such an absence from blogger like I have this month! I have hardly had the time to sit and read other people's blogs, let alone spin the wheels and gears of my mind yet a little more after a long day of studying to churn out some great post! So, I apologize to all the people who I can see on my little map have checked the site since Dec. 2nd. It has been a crazy Crazy CRazy CRAzy CRAZy CRAZY month!!!!!
So here are some reasons why I have been slacking on blogger...

1. I now know just about everything one would need to know to diagnose and treat meningitis caused by Neisseria meningitidis plus more thanks to a huge Microbioooolgy project.

2. I could easily debate you regarding the question of free will and the positions one could take on the issue- but I care not too because it would make my brain hurt again.

3. I discovered the unknown bacteria I was growing in lab was B. cereus, E. aerogenes, and S. typhimurium. Good thing they were mild strains- those aren't organisms I want to be messing with.

4. I now know in detail the process of Viral and Bacterial genetic reproduction, synthesis, and expression. DNA/RNA- it's a miracle how God made us!

5. I'm now a better piano teacher for the music history I've learned this semester.

6. My "little" brother turned 20 on Nov. 20!!!

7. I had an extensive amount of glucose tolerance testing over a couple weeks when my test results came back high. But praise the Lord I do NOT have gestational diabetes!!!

8. I have had a virus that has manifested itself for about a month in the form of a rash, then last week I had a sore throat, malaise, and achiness for a week, where I lost my voice and the rash got worse. It seems stress and viruses do not bode well together for a host like me. Bah- glad that's getting better!

9. Had a Happy but Crazily busy Thanksgiving!! This year I gave my testimony of thanksgiving in church about how thankful I am this year for this child the Lord is giving me- she truly is such a miracle! The Lord has heard my prayer and had mercy on me. He is giving me the gift and blessing of a child of my own and next to the salvation he has given freely to me, I don't think I've ever felt so loved by God or had such a desire to give back to him because of what he has given to me. This year I have been so thankful!

10. My house is decorated for Christmas on the inside- but we've not had time to to the outside lights yet! It was whirlwind decorating this year- but it's done- and it's pretty. I love Christmas!!!

11. I had my teeth cleaned for the first time since we left New Brunswick almost 3 years ago!!!! But they praised me for how well I'd kept them and said I still had "light tartar"!!! I think I should get money from the tooth fairy tonight...

12. Attended a Christmas concert at the PAC with my husband and parents last week. It was a great concert- except the lady on "O Holy Night" made the babies cry. Even my little one was jumping around in me for 2 hours straight!!!

13. I've been dealing with the freaking Canadian government trying to get my student loans straigtened out because the University up here messed up the forms I needed to submit in time!!! Working between the two government systems is SO frustrating at times!!! Canada is super picky and the U.S. just doesn't know much about Canada's system, so they appear quite ignorant. I think it's almost resolved....

14. I have been diagnosed by my husband as having a major case of "nesting". Only my problem has been that I don't have time to nest so I feel more stressed. Maybe I'll blog on nesting some day.

15. Only 9 weeks to go!

16. Finals are this week- then I get to focus on my baby- and ah yes- nesting.

17. This coming two weeks I have: Finals in 3 classes, our church choir's 1st Christmas performance, of which I'm leading, a piano recital for my students, the youth Christmas party, childbirthing classes start, our 4th Anniversary, and a trip to Seattle for Morgan's last ordination interview!!!

So I make no promises as to my next posting!!! Hope everyone is doing well!!!

A Prayer of Apiration and Consecration

2006-11-11T20:48:00.000-09:00

I chose this hymn to close the service tomorrow morning, but only as I was meditating on it tonight did I fully appreciate the beauty and humility of the words. This is the prayer of my heart, as I know is also many of yours. I hope it will bless and challenge you as it did me.

"May the mind of Christ, my Savior, live in me from day to day,
by His love and power controlling all I do and say.

May the Word of God dwell richly in my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father rule my life in everything
That my life may calm and comfort sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me as the waters fill the sea;
Let the showers of His mercy fill the world through me.

May I run the race before me, strong and brave to face the foe,
Looking only unto Jesus as I onward go.

May His beauty rest upon me as I seek the lost to win;
And may they forget the channel, seeing only Him."

Words by Kate B. Wilkinson

A Good laugh...

2006-11-11T17:17:00.000-09:00

I normally would think it's not nice to laugh at someone else's folly, but I think this guy brought it on himself.

Too hilarious not to share!

(disclaimer: this might be considered PG-13, I don't know)

Go here.

A month in our life through picts...

2006-11-09T22:00:00.000-09:00

Here are three things that have happened in the past month:

1. My sweet husband bought me this HUGE fall bouquet of flowers "just because" a couple weeks ago. This was one half of them. The other half were a dozen roses and some other varieties mixed in. I thought these lilies were so pretty!

2. Morgan painted the baby's room! Yay! After this school semester is over, I get to have fun decorating it. I am tying some stuff together I already had to make it less spendy, but I think it will be nice and cozy for her arrival.

3. Here's me at 26.5 weeks. I'm growing rather fond of my little soccer ball, but can't wait until I get to meet her face to face!

Ok-here's a 20 FUN FACTS LIST

2006-11-02T12:01:00.000-09:00

I haven't been inspired much as of late to blog or do much of anything on the computer, but Kristi suggested a Fun Facts List and I think it's a great idea.
Some of you I have known for years...some I got to know really well in college...and some I have gotten to know a bit better via blogdom! So if you wanted to know me a little better, here are some fun facts about me you may or may not already know:

1. I have webbed toes. It's hereditary on my Dad's side. My 2nd and 3rd are a little more connected than the "normal" toes. No, I cannot swim very well. Although I was shy about them as a little girl at school, over the years I have grown quite fond of my beloved webbies.

2. I'm notorious for rhyming things. It annoys some people, I know. But I just can't help it! I think it's a family thing. For example, everyone in my family always had a rhymed nickname. Mine: Angela Banangela. Blaine: Draino Blaino. Etc. Even now, I still do it. Since my childhood friend has married and had 3 kids in 5 years, I've dubbed her Fertile Mertile (even though her name is Jessica). I love phrases that rhyme. Such as "Okee dokee smokee", or "that's a sucky ducky". Got any new ones for me??? I'll put them to good use!

3. I AM Canadian. I AM American. I AM a yankee. I AM a southern belle. Think no one can be both? I'll prove you wrong.

4. I love tea parties. Ice tea in the south. Hot tea in the north. Get out your tea set, make crumpets or cake. I'm there. Oh- and- NO MILK IN MY TEA!

5. My favorite flowers are tulips. Although I love so many other kinds of flowers, and I go back and forth, I ultimately always come back to tulips. Any color really, but especially the dark ones! In my wedding bouquet, I had over 20 tulips put in, but they were a day late opening, so didn't show up as nice on my wedding day as the day after. :-(. The 3 lilies in the bouquet were beautiful though!

6. When I was a little girl, I always wished I was name "Diana". I wanted to look like Diana Berry from the Anne of Green Gables movies. I was determined I would name my little girl Diana. Now that the time is here, I don't think it's going to be Diana. But I still think the name is royally classy and Diana Berry is beautiful.

7. I have a love-hate relationship with my corny, silly side. I love who I am- the silliness my mother passed down to me. It makes life fun. Yet, I wish I was totally cool & classy. Like Audrey Hepburn. Yes, I would love to be Audrey Hepburn. Alas, I'm too silly.

8. I've had a crush on a boy for as long as I can remember. I can't remember a year of my life where I didn't have a crush on a boy- sometimes 2 or 3 at a time! Now of course, there's one boy- and it's a lifetime crush!!!

9. I think I'm the only one in the world these days who doesn't like Sushi. I've tried to like it, but I just can't make myself. I love to experience fine dining, but I can't get into sushi.

10. I've taken piano lessons since I was 3. Growing up, people always assumed I would study music in school and become a piano teacher. I rebelled and said no way- I would be a nurse. Here I am, with a degree in music, teaching piano, and now finally studying to be a nurse. Moral of the story: You can't ignore who you were created to be.

11. I have lots of scars from doing stupid things when I was a kid. Although I was not a tomboy and was as prissy as can be, as I got older, I wanted to be a tomboy and so I learned how to be one. As a result, it did not come so naturally to me and I broke skin many a time.

12. I have a huge extended family, and it just got bigger when I got married. My mom comes from a family of 10 kids. My dad comes from a family of 4 kids. Morgan's mom comes from a family of 17 kids. Morgan's dad comes from a family of 8 (I think). All of these kids have kids and many have grandkids. This makes for a HUGE family and LOTS of cousins! (NO- we are not going to carry on the "tradition")

13. I have been to every Canadian province, and every American state except for a couple of the mid-western ones. BUT, I've never been outside of North America. How sad is that?

14. I am a Sens fan. Morgan is a Habs fan.

15. Get out your Kleenex folks. I was born with a terrible fear of dogs. So when I was 5 or so, my parents got a puppy to help me get over this fear that caused me to scream whenever one came near reach. He was a cute Cocker Spaniel named Sandy. I quickly fell in love. One day, Brandon and I were playing outside and we saw him lying on the street. Sure enough, he was hit and killed. It was very traumatic for me and was my first experience losing someone or something I loved. We buried him and I remember the day vividly. Sandy did help me overcome my fear and we didn't get another dog for several years. In between, we had Toby the Turtle and Blacky the cat. The next dog we had was an Alaskan Malamute named Kenai. She ran away all the time and was a pain so we gave her away. Then we got Jake the flat-coat retriever. He was such a sweet dog, but was old and eventually had to put him down. Then we had another little Keishound dog that was cute but I don't remember his name. Then we got Oreo, who was also a really good dog, but eventually started acting really wierd so we had to give him away too. For the past 5 years, my parents have had Bentley, who is a Shitzu. He is SO cute and we love him. Point to the story- after all these years and all these dogs, I am STILL VERY afraid of dogs- especially big dogs- if I am not familiar with them.

16. I cannot swim very well and will never be able to swim very well. I took swimming lessons as a kid- then somehow forgot how to swim. It's another fear I can't get over. I can do the back stroke and a limited front stroke...that's about it.

17. I would much prefer: - Frozen yogurt over icecream
- Sunshine over snow
- sweet over salty
- black olives over green
- pie over cake (well, that depends)
- driving over flying
- a hug over a 'hi, how are you'?
- jeans over hosiery
- heels over flats

18. My favorite book of the Bible is Psalms. Sing a new song to the Lord!

19. Right now my toenails are a brownish red/orange. They're always painted except for 1 or 2 months each winter when I give them a break. My finger nails are almost always short since I play the piano.

20. And the FINAL FUN FACT and piece of advice: I have learned from observational experience while traveling with Pursuing 7 that if looking for privacy, one should never pick their nose in the car. (and don't say you don't- you'd be surprised the kind of people and vehicles they drive that are 100% guilty of this!) Someone is always watching!

First snowfalls and fresh starts

2006-10-26T14:58:00.000-08:00

We woke up to our first snow fall this morning! It's so beautiful! After a week and a half of LOTS of stress and emotional mayhem (sigh), I am dancing with joy and thankfulness for today. God has walked me through some rough days over the past couple weeks- emotionally, physically, mentally. It has honestly seemed like the enemy has been trying his ever hardest to knock me down in every direction. In every way he has been attacking me. Even after coming off a low low week, when he realized I was rebounding through faith and strength in my Jesus, he tried to get me physically, and this pregnant momma fell down the stairs in her house (besides Mommy's bruises and sore muscles, both of us are just fine). One thing after another- I tell ya!
BUT...I speak on my blog only to rejoice. Because somehow, coming out of these recent events that left me to feel like my world was knocked off center, my heart is left with praise. I have been refined in the fire. The fire has burned. The fire has charred. The fire has left its ash. The fire was meant to bring harm. But God has used it to bring strength, purity, freedom, and wholeness in many respects to my heart. I know this sounds very vague. The bottom line is that God brought me through some really tough stuff and has released me from some very BIG lies that the enemy has been successfully deceiving me into believing. He has proven Himself, once again, to be bigger than anything. I am grateful for the fire.
So this brings me to today- a Thursday. I woke up, after sleeping in with my husband until 9, refreshed and renewed. I feel a newness in my soul, like the Lord has poured over me barrels of his sweet smelling fresh water to purify the hurt, confusion, and anxiety that has plagued me as of late. I bounded upstairs with a song in my soul, only to look out the window and see another reminder of his love for me. Snow. Pure, white snow. It has covered all the ugliness of leftover fall debris, and has given the land a new start. A new season. He has given me a new season. I'm going to have a baby. I have a most wonderful husband. I have a Lord who is so gentle, patient, and steady. And today is a day off for me. What shall I do? My heart longs to sit with my Savior, so I will. Then I may:
-clean the tub
-scrub the floors
-do some baking!!!
-plant my tulips for spring that I have not been able to plant yet before the ground freezes!
-listen to Christmas music
-sing in the shower
-dance in the mirror
-wear a big bulky sweater
-and rejoice in the Lord's love.
I'm also really tempted to skip American Thanksgiving this year. As much as I LOVE the holiday, I so BADLY want to go ahead and decorate for Christmas! I'm in the mood! And it's only October!!!!
p.s. Only 4 months left of this baby baking. Where is the time going???

And the bride wore...

2006-10-14T18:13:00.000-08:00

You must go here to see this cream puff bride! I got a kick out of it. How would she ever have sat down, let alone kept from snitching!!!??? Surely she must have had another dress to change into. Does this describe something about their relationship, maybe??!!

"The Tale of the Cheesy, Superficial Side of Me"

2006-10-13T16:18:00.000-08:00

So, I have a major superficial weakness, folks. It is my hair. When it comes to my hair, the 'old man' has not been eradicated. I think that the Lord wanted to use a situation this weekend to help eradicate this superficiality in me, though.
I was not going to share this, but it really is just too funny a story and then when I took these pictures for my mom, I had a good chuckle at how cheesy I was and I just couldn't resist making it blog material.

Here is what happened...
My almost 9 month old highlights were getting annoying & really bad looking (so I thought). On top of that, I was getting tired of spending the money to keep them up (which is why it had been 9 months). I, in all my brilliance, decided that since money was tight and I didn't want to pay an arm and a leg to have someone do it, I would take matters into my own hands and dye it back to my au-naturale myself.
Morgan helped me scan the insta-color boxes on the shelf at Fred Meyer and we found what we thought was the "perfect one".
***Side note*** for any of you who are thinking, "She's dying her hair and she's PREGNANT??!!!! How irresponsible! I did lots of research before and came to the conclusion this was a safe procedure at this time in my pregnancy, as I had also been told by many hair dressers and medical professionals. Now-a-days, many dyes come without ammonia.

***Resuming story*** It was a deep brown with some slight red tones in it- much like my natural color! Perfect- so I thought. Well, not so much.
It turned out to be a bright red! VERY fake- screamed- look at me!!! I was devastated!!!!!! I called my hair dresser and asked for advice. Still trying to save money, she suggested I find a semi-permanent medium brown dye to cover it and see if that worked. The result was this:

...still too red for my taste. Alas- I tried living with it for a week. Over this time, I let my pride fall down. It looked awful folks. This picture doesn't even do it justice, b/c it's dark. When a light shone on it, it looked like an old woman's REALLY bad dye job!
I really did have nightmares and heartburn about it every night. This was my long hair- with a ugly permanent dye on it!! What was I going to do????
I succumbed. Called the hairdresser. Oh well- the money will come from somewhere. Maybe we should set up a "save the Angela's hair" fund, I thought. But then, No, alas I realized my superficiality did this to myself, and I would have to sacrifice to remidy it.

So today I visited my hairdresser. She had never looked so much like an angel before! Our only solution to keeping my hair healthy was to do a dark brown. It didn't get all the red, but TRUST ME- it's SO much better!!! I kindof like it. I also had to have a deep conditioning treatment done cause all the dyeing was drying out my hair.

When I got home, I took some pictures. I laughed at how cheesy they look. I thought I would post so you could laugh with me. I'm a dork. Truly, I am. I do not deny it.
I embrace my dorkiness.
Lesson learned in the hair department. Upon returning home today, I've been thinking, "what's the spiritual significance in this?" Was it just to teach me a lesson about my superficial pride or was it something more?
So below are some pictures of what it looks like now...embrace my dorkiness with me, folks!

2006-10-13T16:15:00.001-08:00

2006-10-13T16:15:00.000-08:00

the back

2006-10-13T16:14:00.001-08:00

'maybe if I stretch it will look better!'

2006-10-13T16:14:00.000-08:00

oh my

Grace

2006-10-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

Today I need the Lord's empowerment of grace in my heart for others.
Father, I need You to strengthen my spirit, that I may impart grace to others. Help me to not repay evil for evil or selfishness for selfishness. Manifest your grace and love through my life. I am so undeserving of the grace you have lavished onto me. Please flood my heart with love that I might be able to give grace as generously and selflessly as you have. Your grace is so divine. Fall on me; empower me with your presence. I find my strenth in You.

We're Home!

2006-10-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

My handsome husband and myself.

My hair looks so wierd in these pictures!

MacPhersons with the Cliffords (Matt & Tammy).

Another belly picture w/ wierd hair.

Well we have returned from our snappy adventures in the homeland. Snappy they were- the time flew by so quickly. We are both so tired, but had a successful adventure. On Thursday, Brandon, Karen, Gabriel, my Grandpa and uncle all came up from Kingston to Toronto to see us. We went out for dinner and I got to hold my nephew for the first time! Oh my lands- talk about adorable he is!!! Cutest baby ever- next to mine, of course. :-)
Tammy's wedding was a success. Tammy looked so beautiful and was so happy on her special day. During the ceremony, as I watched from the piano on stage, she could not stop smiling! She was gorgeous and we wish her and Matt the best as they begin their new life together!
The Yamaha grand at Trulls Road Free Methodist (Where Tammy got married and Gowdy pastors) is amazing! That made everything worth it- just to play on that piano. Some pianos just have a "touch" that is comparable only to the feeling of fresh taffy melting in your mouth (like the stuff you get at Disneyland!!!) :-)
I had Morgan take some belly shots at the wedding since more people have been asking. My hair looks really wierd in the picts. We had a hair dilemma at the wedding...this pregnancy is not letting my hair curl. So it made for an interesting time at the salon to say the least.That's ok- the day wasn't about me, and Tammy's hair looked beautiful!
I have a piano student coming soon and I need to go change out of my pajamas. So tata-this will be all for now.

Off for the homeland

2006-09-24T17:47:00.000-08:00

Well, first I must say that I appreciated seeing the guys comment on my blog! Thank you, gentleman! It was nice hearing from you.
2. my little nephew is the cutest in the world!! And I get to snuggle him in exactly 4 days!!!!
3, my back really hurts. Husband tells me I shouldn't lift heavy things. I didn't listen. I lifted the new carpet roll for the baby's room today...and of course...pulled something in my back. Fun. Let's hope it heals before the long airplane ride.
4. Had what felt like a Braxton Hicks yesterday. Was kindof scary. It lasted a long time, though, so I think it was just my transverse oblique contracting.
5. tried a new Zucchini Chicken Casserole recipe for dinner last night. It was yum!
6. I have a Microbiology exam tomorrow I should be studying for but am not.
7. baby always chooses to kick during Grandpa's sermons. I think she loves going deep in the Word and is going to be a theologian! :-)
8. We are leaving on Tuesday for the homeland- yes Ontario- with its brilliant fall leaves & colors (I hope). Tammy MacPherson (sister-in-law) is getting married! YAY! We look forward to seeing family and gaining a new brother! Please pray for strength and joy for Tammy this week that she will be able to enjoy her wedding festivities without having to worry about the effects of her chemo!
9. As a result, I will not be blogging for a little while.
10. I had 5 people rub my belly at church this morning. (we will end here)
Oh, 11. just for kicks, I am quite pleased with your choice, K-Dog. Your room looks homey.

Boys and Spitting

2006-09-20T14:24:00.000-08:00

So, I was talking to my father-in-law, who reads my blog occasionally, and he made a good point.
Guys hardly EVER comment on my blog. Heck- my husband hardly ever comments. Now I know this is my fault b/c I talk mostly about girly stuff and pregnancy, etc. But I thought I'd just SEE if guys read my blog at all.
So I was thinking, what could I post about that would get a guy's attention (besides sports, stocks, video games, and most other boy stuff I don't know that much about)?
What first popped in my head was spitting.
Did you ever have spitting contests as a kid? I have to admit, I always wished I could spit. :-) I CAN'T! My brothers used to try to teach me; my dad tried to teach me; my MOM even tried to teach me; my husband has tried to teach me. This summer, even Timmy B. tried to teach me! I just can't.
It's ok. I think spitting is gross. But it can be fun if you're having a contest.
So if you are of the XY Chromosome, Just comment- just this once.
Do you spit?
Do you think it's gross or cool?
Are you a spitting champion?
What's your farthest record?
And finally....do you have any secrets...techniques that might just help a girl who wants to be a tom boy some times but just can't be.
Maybe some time before I die I will be able to spit in a straight line. :-)
Gross.

A Visit to the Throne Room

2006-09-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

.
Today, the Lord gave me a special throne room experience.
After hardly sleeping for the past couple days, I stayed home from church today b/c I had finally fallen asleep at 4 o'clock this morning. I had no responsibilities in the worship service and the Sr. High boys Small group leader graciously took over my Sr. High girls class for me, so I decided to take Sabbath rest at home.
I slept until 11:00, then sat at the piano to have my own worship service. As I sang & played before the Lord, I imagined myself in the throne room, as is usually my practice. It helps my spirit tune into His. This time was special, and I knew He wanted to speak with me. He gave me a song...a simple song...but a song of worship.
I approached the throne room, and as I entered, I saw the Lord,
seated on His throne. He was surrounded by many angels, all who were ministering to Him, and His glory and radience was like nothing I'd beheld before.
I longed to worship this One who deserved all the glory. His majesty, splendor, purity, & holiness radiated into the depths of my soul; and as I stood before this true Holiness, I was adeptly aware at my unworthiness to be in His presence. As I saw the purity and spotlessness of His garments, I was attuned to the nature of my very own. Then, He, in all His glory, asked me,
"By what means do you stand before me in worship and righteousness today, my child?"
And then I knew...and I answered Him with these words:

I come by the blood
I come by the cross
I come by Your Son, who You gave for us lost

I come by Your love
I come by Your grace
I come by the One who took my place

I want to kneel before Your throne
As You look on me as Your own
And I can't help but fall to my face

Then I'll cry worthy are You, Lord!
Then I'll say holy are You, Lord!
Worthy are You, Lord
Holy are You, Lord!

You gave Your Son to set me free
And I give you all of me completely
As I cry worthy, worthy, worthy are You, Father.
Worthy, worthy, worthy of all praise!

I come by the blood
I come by the cross
I come by Your Son who You gave for us lost

I come by Your love
I come by Your grace
I come by the One who took my place

And I cry worthy worthy worthy.
And I say holy holy holy.
And I give glory glory glory to You, Lord.

Announcing...

2006-09-15T14:17:00.000-08:00

I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL!
I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL!
I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL!
I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL!
I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL!
I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL!
I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL!
I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL! I'm a GIRL!
...and Mommy & Daddy are soooo excited!!!

Take Your Vote Now!

2006-09-13T18:58:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh! This week is flying by and I haven't blogged this yet. Morgan flies in late tonight back from Indianapolis, then in the morning we have our 20 week ultrasound! We are soooo excited! I think the baby is too from all the playing he/she's been doing today!

So now's your only time to cast a vote...tomorrow it will be known.
What do you think?
Little charming lad that we can love and snuggle? OR
Little darling lady that we can kiss and spoil? :-)

My 10 Thoughts on Pregnancy

2006-09-09T13:40:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking, I am really loving being pregnant. There are so many wonderful things that go along with it all!
Yet, today I find myself a wee bit frustrated with other not so wonderful things that go along with it.
So here is a list.
5 Things I Love....and 5 Things That Really Bug Me

1. I love...the "everything is new and exciting" feeling of pregnancy. It brings a freshness...a new beginning.
2. I love...how everyone feels the need to open doors for you. :-)
3. I love...how strangers smile at you, when before I was pregnant, they wouldn't notice me at all.
4. I love...to feel my baby moving inside of me!!! It's a most glorious feeling!
5. I love...the fact that I'm a mommy. I love the love that I already have for this child.

(There are SO many more things...but I must save some for other posts)

1. It bugs me...when EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHERS ask me how I"m feeling. It's a nice gesture and all, but when everyone does it, it gets old. Sometimes I just want to say, "Do you really want to know? Ok, let me tell you all the personal details of pregnancy, then you'll never ask me again." So most of the time I just smile and say, "Great, thanks!"
2. It bugs me...when complete strangers rub my belly. What is it about pregnancy that makes people I've never said 2 words to before feel comfortable to rub my belly? I'm not a petting zoo, thanks, and neither is my baby. Again, a 'nice' gesture, but very annoying. Pregnant women still have a personal space!
3. It bugs me...when people give un-asked for advice. Everyone means well...but people talk like you should expect that you'll have the same experience as them. Everyone is different, and I would like to just take this thing one day at a time.
4. It bugs me...when I can't sleep because my legs hurt.
5. It bugs me...when simple tasks like buckling my dress shoes are ALREADY beginning to be a challenge!

(All of these "bugs" do not at all pertain to my blogger friends, of course. You can rub my belly any time you want.) ;0)

He is my Shield

2006-09-08T14:32:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, the Lord fed my spirit with His Word. I know that He led me to this Psalm. I have been struggling lately with heavy emotions, both inward and outward, have doubted God, been angry with God, and yearned for God. I have chosen to trust, chosen to dance, chosen to wait. Today the Lord refreshed me. He gave me Psalm 33:13-22...just for me.
Here is how He read it to me:
"I look down from heaven;
I see you, daughter of man.
From the place of My dwelling I look
On every person of the earth;

Yet, I fashion all of your hearts individually (don't compare yourself to others...I will fashion your heart by My Word, not by other people's words)
I consider everything that you do and feel.

No one is ever saved by his supporters, those around him,
or by his own strengths.
Nothing on earth can be counted on to save you
You will not be delivered from this by any other's strength.

Behold, Angela, my eye is on you because you fear Me,
because you hope in My mercy
to deliver your soul from darkness
and to keep you alive in this famine."

My response (vv. 20-22):
"My soul waits for you, O Lord;
YOU are my help and my SHIELD (you are my protector, to knock away the fiery darts of the evil one; I am safe with You)
My heart rejoices in You,
because I have trusted in Your holy name.
Let your mercy, O Lord, be upon me.
Let your mercy, O Lord, be upon my family.
Let your mercy, O Lord, be upon my ministry and my home.
Just as I place ALL of my hope in You- and ONLY You.
No one else will do...it's only You."

Welcome to the world, Gabriel!

2006-09-07T09:55:00.000-08:00

I'm an aunt! And so very excited. Go to Brandon's blog to see pictures of his beautiful son- born Sept. 5- right on his due date!!

Thursday, Sept. 14

2006-09-06T16:47:00.000-08:00

That's the day! 8 days until we get to meet our little one again via soundwaves!!!
We can't wait to know if we have a sweet little boy or girl in there!
Baby's heartbeat was strong today at 110 bpm. The midwife also said everything I've been feeling from my belly button down is all baby! Everything else is pushed up...so I guess I HAVE been feeling the baby! Last night I dreamed I could feel his or her foot- little toes and all. :-) I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going by; we're almost half way through!!!

We are excited...

2006-09-05T09:57:00.000-08:00

...because our landlords told us yesterday we could paint the walls of our house however we want them done!!! I think we're going to do atleast the baby's room and the dining room...maybe one wall of the living room- this will be FUN!!!

Our family could really use your prayers

2006-09-01T15:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my cousin's only son, Garrison Herzinger, was killed in a vehicle rollover accident at training camp while preparing for the US Marines. My uncle, his grandpa, is a retired marine, yet the family still felt apprehension about Garrison entering the military. This is a devastating blow. Please pray for my Cousin Gena and her husband Jeff. Aunt Dena (Grandma), Uncle Gene (Grandpa), and little sister to Garrison, Tesla. They live in Idaho.
I cannot fathom their pain.
Thank you for taking a minute to pray for them.

I have a quote by Billy Graham that says, "The death of the righteous is no accident. Do you think that the God whose watchful vigil notes the sparrow's fall and who knows the number of hairs on our heads would turn His back on one of His children in the hour of peril?"
For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. Romans 14:8

How do you interpret this quote and scripture? If the death of the righteous is no accident, does that mean that the Lord causes it to happen for a certain reason or purpose? I've always thought and been taught that to think that God is the one who "takes" us and causes death is wrong, and that He sometimes does, but death is a natural result of the Fall of man. Billy G's quote makes me rethink this, because I know many times God spares His people from death, but others He allows to die, or causes it (as it is "no accident")? So how does He choose? I mean I can understand taking my Grandmother who had lived a full life- but a young boy just leaving home to start his own life? I know the answer is that God's ways are higher than man's, and we can't always understand His decisions. It's just something I'm struggling with today.
Any help, clarity , or insights would be great.

What's your latest?

2006-08-31T12:24:00.000-08:00

This post is for Jo. We love you Jo. Hopefully this post will get you out of purgatory and "no woman's land"!!! :-) So here's a neutral post question...
What was the last book that you read/are reading? Is it good? What's it about? Whether it's Dr. Seuss or Wesley's Works Vol. I-XIII, I'm interested to know what you guys are reading!
While in school, it's hard to read other books besides textbooks and the Bible, but But other than A Child is Born and MY Pregnancy Week by Week, I've recently picked up Max Lucado's It's Not About Me off my bookshelf, which I had not read yet for some reason. I'm really enjoying it. It's giving me a new perspective on God's perspective of humanity and how we were created to glorify Him. Sometimes it is easy to focus our relationship with God on our salvation, but even our salvation is something God has created to glorify Himself. We were born to glorify Him- through everything. I'd recommend it; it's an easy, but yummy read.

Funny

2006-08-29T14:47:00.000-08:00

Let's hope this isn't the case for us!!! Ha ha ha!

Pregnancy Question, Ladies

2006-08-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

So here's my q:

What did it first feel like for you when you first felt your baby move? I've heard lots of different things...like gas, bubbles, fluttering...there have been some times I've thought maybe I've felt it but not sure...so I'm interested in hearing your stories!!!
Do share!

2006-08-22T18:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry it's not the greatest picture. Just a quick one we took with the flowers while stopping for lunch yesterday. Belly's still small, but definitely growing. It's now obvious I'm pregnant and not just putting on tummy pudge!

He's shown us His love

2006-08-22T18:26:00.000-08:00

We had such a great week of youth camp, and the Lord's anointing was definitely on our friend Branscombe's visit and messages. We love that guy dearly and both felt so lonely when we woke up to a quiet house this morning. Tim, we miss you already! You MUST come back!
It rained not only every single day of camp, but every single day Tim was here. The clouds sat low and covered the mountains, and the sun was no where to be seen. In fact, Tim did not even believe we had mountains OR sun until yesterday. It was Tim's last day and we begged the Lord for clear skies and sunshine. Well when we awoke, He had given us what we ask for, and we wore ourselves out making good use of it! We couldn't take TIm rafting, cause the rivers were flooded, and we couldn't take him fishing, cause the muddied flooded waters made it no good, and we couldn't do anything else that took more than a day. So we did some sightseeing. It was still fun. Here are a few pictures from our adventures. The bottom one is my personal fav, cause I MADE the boys do it with me! Don't they look ecstatic?!?!

I'll try to post more, but I'm not sure if blogger will let me. I've been having troubles. So not only did the Lord bless us with a sunny clear day, but all Tim wanted to see while here was a bear. We've had a crazy bear year. Go to flicker to see some of the bears we've seen this summer. However, it is still unusual to see a bear unless you go to its environment. You hardly ever see a bear just driving down the road. But of course with God all things are possible, and on a back road, out comes meandering a good sized Alaskan black bear for Tim to see!!! How God lavishes the good gifts on to His children!
To verify God's goodness, we woke up this morning to a miserably rainy day. God cleared the skies just for Tim. How cool.

Life in August

2006-08-09T20:42:00.000-08:00

Well, this month has been so busy for the MacPhersons!
Even now, i don't have much time.
So here is a quick update:

1. I've posted pictures of our Russian River trip on Flickr. Please go and see! It was a fun trip. Dad taught us to fly fish for the first time. We saw lots of bear. And just had a fun time.

2. I had another OB appt. at 14 weeks. The baby's heartbeat was good and strong in the 150's bpm. Our baby kicks alot and is VERY active! When you hear the heartbeat, you hear, "bum, bum, bum, kick, bum, bum, bum, kick!"

3. I'm still not showing very much. It depends on what I wear. Some people think I'm showing and some say I'm not at all. I can tell, but that's me of course.

4. I'm in my 4th month of pregnancy now. Time sure does fly. I love being pregnant. I'm having lots more energy, which is great cause there's so much going on!

5. This is both a hard time and exciting time for each of our families right now. My side of the family is excitingly awaiting Brandon and Karen's introduction of their new little one, and we are rejoicing in the miracle of life God is giving Morgan and I as well. But at the same time, on Morgan's side, his sister Tammy is battling chemo treatments for the Hodgkins Lymphoma they found in her neck this summer. The good news is it's treatable, but that does not mean it's any easier to go through. Please pray for her and the family.

6. We just had our VBS at church this week! We had such a great time with the kids. Sang alot of Jewish songs and made tons of crafts.

7. Mr. Timothy "Bronson" Branscombe is coming up to the Great Land on Friday. We can't wait!!! Then, on Sunday...

8. Youth camp begins! This is the last hurrah for youth before school starts the week after. It's a huge high for the teens and everyone is super stoked! Can't wait!

9. I'm behind getting a letter out to my piano students re: fall semester starting again!

10. School starts for me again in 2.5 weeks. I'm loathing it, b/c it means more crazy schedules. But I'm excited for it, because it's my last semester of pre-nursing!!! Then I only have 1 1/2 years to go!!! (beginning in 2008)

11. Finally getting some "spring cleaning" done in August. Oh my.

12. My hostas have bloomed. Purple flowers. So pretty. My dahlias are doing awesome this year!!!

13. And finally....my Grandma Fiskeaux gets married this Saturday!!! She's getting married on my parent's anniversary- Aug. 12- to Mr. Pierce Upton. We're very happy for her!

So that's life, folks.

Awesome quick trip!

2006-08-01T21:56:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! We just got back from the Russian and have SOOO many good picts. Basically, it wasn't a fishing trip...the run for Reds was late. We fished, but didn't catch anything this time. But it was DEFINITELY a bear watching trip! I'll have pictures up soon!
Thank the Lord we are safe, but were so blessed with seeing things most people would only see in National Geographic! I had never seen a grizzly catch and eat a fish before. That was pretty sweet. And we had black bears spying on us...I'll tell all in my next post when I have time to put these picts on.
Honestly, even with growing up in Alaska, I think I saw bears more times this weekend than in my entire life! I think I counted 7 times we saw them. Both black and brown. The black bears are kind of cute. The brown bears you definitely don't want to mess with!!!
So stay tuned folks...the excitement is yet to come!

You Can't let bears rule your life...but you'd better be careful!

2006-07-30T17:45:00.000-08:00

This week, Morgan and I are going with my parents to camp at the Russian River and fish from shore. For some reason, the reds count is SO low this year (that's Red Salmon), that they've closed all fishing on the Kenai. That is HUGE! I feel sorry for the tourists who've paid thousands of dollars to experience what Alaska has to offer. So a certain section of the Russian is the only area they've left open.
So...we're going.
M & I have been planning on using our tent, and my parents their little camper. Looks like we won't be sleeping in a tent tomorrow though. The scary thing is, we wouldn't have known otherwise had my dad not read the paper today. (See article below) Needless to say, we'll be sleeping in my parent's SUV.
And DEFINITELY carrying our bear spray on the trails!
Maybe you could pray for our safety??? It never hurts. The thing with bears is you can't let them rule your life out of fear, and you just have to be prepared, but they definitely make for excitement and adventure, and if you startle one, or get between it and its cub, it's not a pretty story.
It seems like there's been a lot of bear activity this summer. There's a black bear hanging around the church right now. Morgan and I saw it there earlier this week and someone spotted it before church this morning too. At least it's not a griz.
So here's to hoping that we get to do the catching- and not the bears!!! ;0)

Bear grabs man asleep in his tent
RUSSIAN RIVER

By CRAIG MEDRED
Anchorage Daily News

Published: July 30, 2006
Last Modified: July 30, 2006 at 07:53 AM

Wakened from sleep in a tent at the Russian River Campground early Saturday, Chicago tourist Daniel Kuczero didn't consider the possibility that a grizzly bear tugging at the nylon woke him.
He figured it had to be a dog he heard outside in the 4:30 a.m. stillness, witnesses say.
Then the animal collapsed the tent on him.
That, according to Russian River campground manager Butch Bishop and others, was the first indication Kuczero had that the animal probably wasn't a dog. Kuczero apparently decided the best thing to do was play dead.
He changed his mind when the bear grabbed his body -- still wrapped up in a sleeping bag inside the tent -- by the shoulder, in-law Rich Dunn said by telephone from Cooper Landing on the Kenai Peninsula on Saturday afternoon.
That was enough to start Kuczero screaming.
"When it bit him in the shoulder,'' Dunn said, "he yelled.''
The bear took off at the noise as relatives camped nearby in a motor home quickly came to Kuczero's aid. It was a scary moment for everyone as it happened, but Kuczero was doing better Saturday afternoon.
"He was laughing about it,'' Dunn said. "But at the time, he was pretty shook up.''
Dunn said he thinks the bear might have picked on Dunn's campsite because it was a "very small tent.''
Bishop said he isn't sure what to think.
Though the Russian River campground in the Chugach National Forest has a history of bears running in and around the campsites, this is the first time anyone can remember a bear actually going after a tent.
Other than the tent being conveniently located on the bluff just above the popular salmon stream, Bishop said, there was no reason for the bear to go to the campsite Kuczero used.
"The campsite, the picnic table, the tent -- everything was clean,'' Bishop said.
There have been problems with bears invading other campsites in the campground this year because of food left out, but that apparently was not the case here, Bishop said.
Luckily, he added, Kuczero -- who could not be reached -- suffered only minor injuries.
"(The bite) didn't break the skin,'' Bishop said.
The campground manager was happy about that.
"I've been through the Bigley thing,'' Bishop said.
Young angler Daniel Bigley nearly died along the Russian River in mid-July 2003. He was walking along a riverside trail on his way back from salmon fishing when an agitated bear knocked him down, grabbed him by the face and crushed his skull. Other anglers who came to his aid, coupled with the quick arrival of emergency medical technicians and a rescue helicopter from Anchorage, saved his life, but he was blinded.
Well aware of the Bigley story, Bishop could only say, "He (Kuczero) is so lucky."
U.S. Forest Service spokeswoman Rebecca Talbott said that because of the attack, the agency has imposed a temporary ban on tent camping in the popular campground at Mile 52.6 Sterling Highway, about 105 road miles south of Anchorage. Only camping in recreational vehicles or trailers will be allowed, she said.

The agency is also instituting a night-time closure of riverside trails. There are fears that anglers using those trails to get to the late run of red salmon just beginning to return to the river could encounter a bear, as Bigley did.

A number of grizzly bears have been in the area much of the summer, including a couple of young bears whose mother was shot there last year. Those two bears subsequently took to wandering the riverbanks looking for salmon carcasses left by anglers. Over the course of the last two summers, they have lost nearly all fear of humans.
Bishop has had to chase the bears out of the campground regularly, and they have caused repeated problems for anglers on the river -- ripping into backpacks, stealing fish and otherwise targeting people for food.
Whether one of these bears was the one that pounced on Kuczero is unknown. Though Kuczero's nephew, who was in the nearby RV, saw the bear, he viewed it through a tinted window, Bishop said.
"The color of the bear is really unknown,'' Bishop said, and even its size is unclear.
Nobody in the campground -- other than those sharing Kuczero's campsite -- heard anything of the attack, which didn't create much noise except for the victim's yelling.
Bishop said he probably woke up more people with the noise of his diesel truck as he cruised the campground after the attack to look for the bear and make sure no one had left anything out that might attract bears.
He was hoping that state and federal wildlife officials might have a better idea of what happened after they got a good look at the scene.
"It flattened the tent,'' Bishop said. "We didn't touch it.''

Surprise!!!

2006-07-27T15:49:00.000-08:00

Baby surprised me today!! I went to see my midwife today for a prescription, because I have a UTI. As we got talking, it seemed there was some question about my due date and my last ultrasound. So she decided to do another one, to answer her own questions, and she would not charge me for it. (Inside, I was cheering- Yay!!!)
Baby surprised us and showed to be older than we thought he/she was! I watched as my baby kicked and wiggled around in my womb. It was SO AMAZING! So...my new due date is Jan. 31st. Not a big difference, but every week counts! So I'm now going on 14 weeks!
I can't wait for our next ultrasound- the big one!!! Countdown T minus 6ish weeks!

The earth shook

2006-07-27T10:02:00.000-08:00

Last night...approx. 5:20 am-
Morgan and I are asleep in bed. All of a sudden, both our eyes popped wide open. What was going on??? What was that noise? And what was happening to the house?! Everything was shaking violently! Rumble rumble rumble...shake shake shake. Then it was over, folks. We had an earthquake. Supposedly, we have earthquakes every day up here and sometimes you can feel the little tremors. This one was not a baby earthquake though. I would say it was a mommy. It can't be a daddy cause it didn't really cause any damage. So this mommy earthquake caused topic for discussion today for sure!
As I was laying in bed after the event, I heard a train go by. I wonder it would be like to experience a good sized earth quake in a train. Probably pretty freaky.
Anyways, that's all for now.

On a normal day, I would never complain or worry...

2006-07-26T16:21:00.000-08:00

but I have only gained 2 pounds in 12 weeks. Is this normal? The thing is, I feel and look like I've gained significant weight in my tummy and love handle areas, but the scale does not show it. On top of that, for the past 4 days I have not "felt" pregnant at all...much of the bloating is subsiding which helps, but sometimes I wish that or the nausea was still there to remind me that I am pregnant. Is it normal to worry about not being pregnant when you know in your head that you are? Does this sound absolutely ridiculous to anyone else besides me? Sometimes I'm scared that at my next appointment, there won't be a heartbeat. Are these fears normal or am I just crazy?
Please help a hormonal woman through a gray day. Thanks.

I did it!!!

2006-07-20T15:52:00.000-08:00

I FINALLY took this math placement test today that has been hanging over my head for the past year, and I placed not only high enough, but higher than I really needed to. I placed into the Calculus class, and I only needed to place into Statistics 242!!! Yay!!! This means for sure that I will be applying to the 2nd half of the nursing program this fall! Thank you Lord! Big Relief...gonna party tonight...

First Belly Pict- Almost 11 weeks...the bump is tiny, but it's there!

2006-07-19T22:19:00.000-08:00

Well as my abdomen is slowly expanding, I decided I better get a shot of it before it blows up bigger, so someday I'll have a play by play for a baby book.
In the fun of picture time, I played with the "antique feature". So this is what you get folks. Antique belly shots. One serious...and of course...we wouldn't have pregnant Ang without a silly one.
Well this is as far as my creativity takes me tonight. Tomorrow I have a big math test I have to test out of for the nursing program. Pray for me! Gulp- I hope I pass.

Sorry to all of you "Im so tired of hearing about pregnancy" blog readers out there.
I will post a non-pregnant post soon, I promise!
Until then, cheerio! Enjoy the picts.

Tickers

2006-07-17T13:13:00.001-08:00

Oh I found this cute new ticker, and just had to add it! I figured- this is a big deal for both baby and mommy. We both should have a ticker! Little one is working so hard toward that finish line!!!

Update for all who's interested...

2006-07-12T16:29:00.000-08:00

Okee-dokee, so I'm attempting an update here because I promised one, but I'm sorry it won't be more adventurous...I'm having a great pregnancy!
Yesterday I saw Dr. Bell, my OB. He said that so far it looks like I have just a normal pregnancy, nothing "exciting" for him to manage. :-) He said it's fine to continue with the midwives, and both he and the midwives will just continue to monitor my glucose/insulin levels throughout the next 7 months. I will work mostly with the midwives and they will deliver, but he works with them to, so will watch my case through them. He said often times hyperinsulinism can be overcome during pregnancy by the hormones of the placenta, so I have great chances of having just a normal joe pregnancy- which is awesome news!!! He is the nicest guy. I'd wish an OB like him on anyone. The midwives are great too, so overall I feel very well taken care of and blessed to have been led to the right professionals!
So...as far as everything else goes, I'm actually great. Today I haven't had any nausea at all!!! It seems like it was the worst for me around 8 weeks, and now is gradually subsiding. Let's hope it continues on the downhill trend. I still find it easy to give in to my moody emotions, but try hard not to. Being pregnant takes letting the Holy Spirit maintain control and exuding the "fruits of the Spirit" to a whole nother dimension- let me tell you!
On the other hand, I can't complain- I now have NO trouble sleeping in this land of constant sun, even when I go to bed at 9:00! I could sleep at any time. zzzzzzzz
I do have to say my one frustration now that the food thing is getting better is that my jeans are becoming very uncomfortable. I'm fine to wear them out, but as soon as I get home, the button gets quickly undone. I find I have to wear all my pants extra extra low, then it feels like I have this pooch that just hangs out over my pants :-) Even though everyone tells me I neither look fat nor pregnant- I definitely feel very much so of both. I'm not so much enjoying this waist growing larger but not large enough to look pregnant yet stage. I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about.
Well I am almost in my 11th week and will be 10 weeks on Friday. You know those little hands and feet pins you can get from the Pro-Life Organizations? They are 10 weeks! Those are MY baby's feet!!! :-)

I have life inside of me!!!

2006-07-05T18:58:00.000-08:00

I am so thrilled to announce that in less than 7 months time, Morgan and I will be holding a precious child, and it will be ours!
Yes! I am pregnant!
There is truly a little miracle growing inside of me, and I am so overwhelmed by God's love- that He would trust me with one of His little children! I am going to be a mother! It's all starting to sink in now, and I am overjoyed.
We found out several weeks ago, and these past several weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. We are trusting the Lord for a healthy pregnancy and baby, and are so excited to share our news with you!!!

At 7 weeks, we had an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy, and we saw Baby's heartbeat!! You can go to daddy's blog to see the real thing. It might be a game of "where's Mini MacP", but if you notice a little lump in the middle of a circle, that's our baby!!! Baby has grown a lot since then! Mini MacP now has fingers and toes and moves all around inside of me, although I can't feel anything yet.

So, I must finish this so I can wrap up my evening. Baby makes me VERY VERY tired!

OUCH!

2006-07-05T10:04:00.001-08:00

What'd you do for the long weekend???
I did something really stupid!!!
I left my sunscreen at home. UGH.
I do not wish to post a picture of my lobster-look-a-like self for fear of imposing further pain upon myself and all of you when you break out in gutteral laughter, but you need no picture to imagine. I am very very sunburned! I think I'm about as burned as is possible before getting blistering sunburn, because this new burn is extremely painful!!!
So why did I leave my SPF 30 at home?

On Monday, Morgan, my parents, and I decided that we'd go for a nice mid-day hike. Nothing too long, because we all had other things to accomplish that day, but a nice leisurely hike down to a lake would be a relaxing afternoon trip.
So we decided on the Hiland trail. None of us had done it before, and we all wanted to do it. So we drove up the mountain, and set across the ravine with a beautiful sparkling blue lake on our minds.
For some reason, we guessed it'd only be a couple miles hike, no big deal. WE'd be gone for a couple hours. So none of us wore sunscreen! Not only that, but Morgan and I only had our Camel Packs, which both hold only 1 liter of water. This would have been fine for a couple mile hike, but this hike turned into a 10 mile, 6 hour long hike!!!
It was beautiful as we hiked the ravine in between the mountains, crossed a little river, and enjoyed a blue crystal lake. I tLOVED the trail and want to do it again, and camp overnight at the lake! However, the rationing of water, and burning of neck and shoulders really started to kick in about half way back.
Gah- now I'm miserable...miserably in pain. If only I'd listened to the little voice inside me saying, "Take sunscreen just incase!!"
I learned my lesson. Next time, even if it's only a mile hike, sunscreen's goin' on!

Snap! Crackle! Pop! Fiz!

2006-06-29T21:45:00.000-08:00

The other day, Morgan came home. "Honey- I got you a surprise treat!!!" I'm thinking...hmmmm...what could this be??? A g.c. for a pedicure? My f avorite ice cream? What is it????
POP ROCKS!!!!! Awesome! (said in the "whoa-dude" voice)
My husband and I have found a common bond in pop rocks. I think it's cause it's the closest we get to "substance abuse for the purpose of attaining a hi". Just kidding. :-)
Supposedly there is more to these little cracklers than we realize, though! Try going here to learn the history behind these mysterious fizzies. You may learn more than you want to know- but then again I don't want your stomach blowing up on account of my promotion of this wonderful candy!
If you haven't tried these before, you need to! The pressure's on- just do it!

I lubba my family!

2006-06-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

I am so blessed with such a wonderful family. Of course you'll notice my favorite member is not there! I tried to add a cool picture of him to this post, but it wouldn't load for some reason. You'll have to go here to see it.

In the middle is my Grandpa. What a dear man he is. In Karen's tummy is my nephew. I can't wait to meet him! This is at the reception after my Grandma's funeral, which explains why everybody looks totally drained!

My brothers are GRRRREEEEAAAATTTTTT!!!!!

Resting in the Shelter of the Almighty

2006-06-19T21:11:00.000-08:00

My dearest friends, I know my posts have all been quite serious in the past month or so. I guess life has just taken more of that tone lately.
But you know, my loving Father has revealed Himself to me in some amazingly real and fresh ways over the past couple weeks. Some of them I can't share with you quite yet...someday I will. For now, I will say that I don't think I have ever experienced God's love and grace in my life more than I have in the past month. I am so filled with overwhelming joy and love for my Savior. I wish to enter into constant worship, but have to remember that the computer won't get A's by itself. Nevertheless, my spirit continually worships my Lord.
God has manifested Himself to me as my Abba, my Daddy. The One who loves me unconditionally, the One who weeps when I weep. The One who sings over me with joy. The One who understands the deepest parts of me and gives His grace in the most perfect times. He doesn't just give though, He lavishes! He lavishes His love- His mercy- His grace! Oh how beautiful He is! How sweet He is! How gentle and kind He is! This is my Savior. The One who shelters me under His giant wings. And you know, His wings- they smell so sweet. They're the softest wings I've ever touched. They calm me like nothing else can. They wipe my tears and they still my beating heart.
I can say that I have truly learned to REST. Somehow, amongst the craziness of the past 4 weeks, with school, my Grandma, a Seattle conference trip, etc...and the other worries and cares of life...I have not hardly even felt the blows and stings of life, because I feel as though I am riding on His wings, and they are protecting me...lifting me higher than anything that can harm me. Lifting me higher than my doubts, than my fears, than my inhibitions, anxieties, sorrow, and worries.
And when I am not riding on His wings, He has me safely tucked underneath them. I feel His arms around me. Oooooo-never let it end.

Here is a poem that I have memorized this week by Annie Johnson Flint...

"God has not promised skies always blue
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love."

Goodnight, my friends.
Love,
Ang

How loved am I!

2006-06-13T18:14:00.000-08:00

I pray that today you would feel the favor of the Lord, His songs of love, countless promises to you- that you would realize how loved you are! Let Him hold you close, quiet you with His love, and be your Keeper.

O Lord You are my Keeper
I will never be in want
You hold me close so tender
And quiet me with love

And I hear You singing over me
I hear You singing over me

Songs of countless promises
Like kisses from heaven they fall
How loved am I! Songs that take me to higher heights
Such favor I know is divine
How loved am I!
How loved am I!

O Lord You are my Keeper
My heart is safe with You
Though in life there will be valleys
You take my hand and lead me through.

And I hear You singing over me
I hear You singing over me

Songs of countless promises
Like kisses from heaven they fall
How loved am I!
Songs that take me to higher heights
Such favor I know is divine
How loved am I! How loved am I!

-Performed by Michelle Tumes, Susan Ashton, & Christine Dente

This song really ministered to me today.
I hope it does the same for you.
You can go here to download the song:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product/?item_no=CD59306&p=1006648

My Source of Comfort

2006-06-12T08:46:00.000-08:00

This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life. Although spending time with family was SO enjoyable and needed, our fellowship was clouded with grief. But you know, through it all, it is the Living Hope that turns our mourning into dancing, our sorrow into joy.
As we stood over Grandma in her casket, we asked, "Do you think she is watching us?" Does God allow us to look back? If so, I hope Grandma sees how much we love her and even though we sorrow in her absence, we rejoice in her reunion with her Saviour.
Going back to the "homestead" was hard. Just driving into Kingston revived so many memories. I quietly cried myself to sleep many nights, and still when I close my eyes I see memories of Grandma. I had the opportunity to give a tribute to Grandma at the funeral. I held her cold hand. I kissed her memory. But none of this brought the hope and joy amidst the pain like my loving Father's Word brought to me.
It is the Living Hope of Eternal Life- the gift of Salvation- the reward of eternal glory, that lifts my spirit. I just don't know how people go through sorrow without a Loving Lord to shower His grace and love upon His weary children. I am SO Thankful for this experience. It is a win-win. As much as we will miss Grandma, this whole experience has strengthened my faith is more ways than I can even share. I can't wait to join her someday.
The Lord gave me this Scripture early last week. Everytime I grow weary in sorrow, I take refuge in this reminder that we have a Heavenly Hope!

I Peter 1:3-12
All honor to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for it is by his boundless mercy that God has given us the privilege of being born again. Now we live with a wonderful expectation because Jesus Christ rose again from the dead. For God has reserved a priceless inheritance for his children. It is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. And God, in his mighty power, will protect you until you receive this salvation, because you are trusting him. It will be revealed on the last day for all to see. So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while.
These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him, you trust him; and even now you are happy with a glorious, inexpressible joy. Your reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.
This salvation was something the prophets wanted to know more about. They prophesied about this gracious salvation prepared for you, even though they had many questions as to what it all could mean. They wondered what the Spirit of Christ within them was talking about when he told them in advance about Christ’s suffering and his great glory afterward. They wondered when and to whom all this would happen.
They were told that these things would not happen during their lifetime, but many years later, during yours. And now this Good News has been announced by those who preached to you in the power of the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. It is all so wonderful that even the angels are eagerly watching these things happen.
So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the special blessings that will come to you at the return of Jesus Christ. Obey God because you are his children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of doing evil; you didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God—who chose you to be his children—is holy. For he himself has said, “You must be holy because I am holy.”

Welcome Home, Grandma.

2006-06-02T17:37:00.000-08:00

My Grandmother passed away quietly this evening, June 2, 2006 around 9:00 pm EST, after a time of prayer with all her children and Grandpa.

My grandma has seen heaven...

2006-05-30T10:23:00.000-08:00

This is not an easy post; I've been fighting myself on mentioning anything, lest I force myself to face reality. However, I have decided that to keep my grief bottled up would not do me a lot of good except keep me from being vulnerable to it.
My grandma is dying. Many of you who know me well have at least met my Grandma. She is a saintly little lady who has loved the Lord for almost 80 years. Grandma is very special to me. I have so many fond memories of her, but the thing I take most from these 24 years with my Grandma is her model of what it means to be a woman who loves the Lord with all her heart, soul, and mind- and demonstrates it through her love for her family. I've always known my grandma for her laughter and sense of humor. She was a great cook, and was full of life. She was a spunky little lady! (And I mean "little" = measuring in at 4'11'' in her prime!)
Now my grandma lies in a hospital bed in Kingston, ON, where she has been for a couple months, and the doctors tell her she will never go home (to her earthly home, that is).
The thing is, I can hardly stand to think about life without my Grandma. I wish I hadn't gotten so mad at her when I was 4 and she threatened me with spankings. I wish I had spent more time with her. I wish my children could know her.
But most of all, I wish I was going with her.
This week, my grandma saw heaven.
She saw heaven and said it was beautiful. She said she saw Jesus, and He told her it was her choice- He could bring her home to be with Him, or He would let her stay a little while longer with her family. She said, "You know I love you alot, Lord, but I'd like a little more time with my family." And she woke up. My Grandpa told her that if she gets another offer like that, she shouldn't refuse it!
I tell you this because I hope it blesses you like it did me. I absolutely cannot wait to leave this earth and go to be with my Savior! But I know that I still have work to do for Him. I only pray that I will be faithful to do that which He has created me and called me to do on this earth- just as my Grandma has been so faithful. She deserves this reward.

For your viewing pleasure...

2006-05-26T21:27:00.000-08:00

Ok...I lied...here's a quicky for the evening. I took some time tonight to figure out our new printer/scanner/copier. It's pretty cool. So now you all get to see a pict we took in Feb in Oshawa, ON. Enjoy!

Summer Classes

2006-05-23T19:27:00.000-08:00

I just started 4 summer classes...two of them 5 week intensives. So until June is over I probably won't be seen on blogdom much.
Enjoy the sunshine!!! Today it actually hit 90 degrees!!!! Wohoo!

Excited

2006-05-18T09:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, a new post is long overdue. I haven't really had anything that great to blog about...all pales in comparison to the latest trip to Cali.
However, I also do not want to disappoint my faithful blog checkers, so I decided today I would post about some things I am excited about. Spring is here and summer is coming, and although my summer will be filled with more books and papers, I am excited for a few things!!!
1. SUNSHINE!! I love sunshine. Although it's not as warm here in Anchorage in the summer as I would like it to be, we still get a good enough tan to worry about future facial wrinkles.
2. Camping, rafting, hiking, volleyball, soccer- all the fun summer activities you can do once the river melts and the grass turns green. I love camping especially...I have many fond childhood memories and so every time we do it, even if it's a really horrible day for camping, the nostalgia makes everything peachy.
3. Seattle- taking our annual summer trip to Seattle for our Pacific Northwest Leadership Summit. Good shopping, great restaurants, beautiful flowers and huge trees, pier market...fun times.
4. Losing weightaka. getting in shape- the laziness of winter has worn off...starting to run and pull out those Pilates videos that have been collecting dust since Feb. when I got sick.
5. Putting 4 more classes behind me.
6. Gardening- for me right now it's just flower and herb gardening, but I inherited this nature from my dad. I love to garden. It's therapeutic.
7. Picnics- hiking up on a mountain and having a nice picnic overlooking the ocean inlet...ah yes.
8. Friends-coming to visit!!! Yes- you know who you are!!!!
9. VBS and Youth camp- much work, but comes with much fun and rewards also.
10. SUNSHINE!- must begin and end with the greatest of all- I live in the Land of the Midnight Sun!!!! Right now, even in May, the sun does not set until 10:30 pm!!!!

California gets 5 stars!!!

2006-05-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

Morgan and I just returned from 5 days in Cali. It was so hard to leave!!! We went to southern CA to attend a Youth Conference by Doug Fields and Jim Burns, well known authors and youth pastors. Doug Fields you'd know as the youth pastor at Saddleback Church with Rick Warren and author of "Purpose Driven Youth Ministry". Jim Burns you'd most likely hear often on Christian radio stations as a Christian psychologist. They put on this small, intimate conference for youth leaders and train with their own material, then give it all to us so we can go and train our youth workers. It was an awesome two days! Morgan attended the "Nuts and Bolts of Youth Ministry" track, and I attended the "Helping Hurting Kids Track". I liked especially how the numbers were small, so there was more discussion and by the end of the weekend you felt like you knew Doug and Jim. I would highly recommend it! For you east-coasters- it's not too far! We saw Scott Newell there with a group of leaders from his church in PA! That was cool.
Anyhow, we squeezed tons of stuff in a span of a few days, but it was so worth it. Here are some picts:

On Fri. night we went to Hollywood. Walked the "Walk of Fame" on Hollywood Blvd. That was pretty cool! We also saw Jimmy Kimmell being taped live. We were too late to get into the show though.
Here's a pict. through the door...

After that excitement, we continued down the street and got to the Kodak theatre...just in time to see the Stars leaving from the Daytime Emmy's! That was cool...seeing some famous people in Hollwood. It was dark, but here's a pict.

Saturday we went to Disneyland...that was fun times all around, of course! We met all kinds of famous fairytale figures!!! Indiana Jones ride was the greatest thrill. Thunder Mountain was fun too. But oh my- the Mickey Mouse Taffy from the Candy Shop made the whole trip worth it!!!!

On Sunday, we attended church at Saddleback. Incredible- all I have to say. I may post more pictures sometime of it. Here's one now... that's Doug Fields speaking...

Here's the Children's Ministry building...it's decked out with fish tanks, a floor of video games, and more...whatever!

They have about 12 different types of services you can attend. Here's how they direct you to the right place on their campus...

And finally, they're under construction on their youth building...we saw the plans...gonna be any youth pastor's dream!

It's like a Christian Disneyland. It's so awesome! What struck me the most was just how they are doing a phenomenal job at bringing Jesus to the culture. They are not stuck in tradition. They are introducing Jesus to the people of Southern California in a way that they can relate to and understand. After visiting for only one Sunday, I can completely understand why Rick Warren's church has grown to be so huge. If I didn't have Jesus in my life, their demonstration of Christ's love, patience, and kindness would want me to know HIm too!
Great church...great ministerial staff...great hearts.

We had such an awesome trip, and experienced more than what I can share in one post. This is a major overview! The weather was incredible there~ although there are sooo many people. I've been to almost every large city in the US and Canada. LA definitely tops it up there with NYC. SOOOOOOO many people!!! Gah! I don't know if I could live there. You can drive for hours and hours, and not leave city. At the same time, I can understand why people want to live there. It's an incredible place!